I can't sleep...
I've been nearly going crazy since the accident. I have to get better. I have to get back on my bike. I have to get out of this house and get a job. I have to finally get started with my Robotic Trading career with real money. Not to mention, My marriage is in trouble, but that's a long story that I'm not sure I'm going to explain any time soon, or at all.
March 11th was supposed to be my next appointment to go to the orthopedic place to have my heel looked at. They called the day before to tell me I had been bumped because they had an unforeseen surgery with someone and wouldn't be able to fit me in. Now the 18th is the reschedule... hopefully some good news, although at this point I can tell the bone is still open, because it swells when I let it down. It still hurts in a way that is obviously still broken. The plus side of no surgery is no added medical bills, the downside... a hell of a large gap for my bone to try and close up...
I'm still doing as much as I can that I was before. I'm still cleaning and organizing the house, doing laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, and actually driving to the store to grocery shop... all either on my hands and knees with the assistance of a backpack, or on crutches with awkwardly imbalanced weight on one side or the other.
My lack of mobility is seriously prison like, especially because I am not "Allowed" to ride the bike... But it's getting to that point where I'm going to start saying fuck it. I've already ridden it last month to go get it registered for the year and to go visit a friend in the nick of time... It's a hell of a lot easier than driving a manual transmission car....
I don't know what to say...
Well, I do have one thing to say: I'm still going to the gym consistently and eating healthy. I've fought hard to maintain my weight since the accident, I'm down only 3 lbs. Today has to be the 4th or 5th time someone has taken the time to tell me my work ethic at the gym in spite of my injury was "Inspiring". That made my day. I always work harder than anyone I see there. I push hard, but I know if there was a gun to my head to get a few more reps out I could muster it.
Did I ever mention I had the fucking "lunk alarm" go off on me for "Grunting" ?!?! Planet fitness is not a place that really wants you to kick ass and work hard unfortunately, they want to make money more than anything... And I understand that because they are a business, but they appeal to the lazy people who are never going to get anywhere, it brings in the most business... Hell... I can't believe they actually give out free pizza there...
Anyways, I worked my ass off as I usually do, but today I worked Triceps and Pecs really hard. It's the only time I leave the house... It's been so nice and sunny out these last few weeks (with a few exceptions) and I just can't crutch it everywhere... Pretty soon I'll be seeing baby ducklings running around :) That's always a treat.
A lot of difficult changes happening in my life soon it seems... I'll keep you posted.
Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
First Day of My New Life
I did it. Yesterday I handed in the keys to an impeccably clean truck to a very happy set of mechanics. I believe in returning things in the best condition possible and I got that truck brand new.
I managed to make it out of there with the goodbyes to the people I cared enough about to tell, and avoid the conversation with the ones I don't. Not that they are bad people, but I didn't want to go through the long explanation with everyone. It's none of their business why I am leaving or what I intend to do.
So you know how the owner was supposed to call me after getting my goodbye email? Still never called, yet he took the time to mention my departure and ambitions to the office. On my way home yesterday, our safety guy called me. I called him back and asked me what my plans where because the owner wanted to confirm it... Well hell. Why not call me yourself owner??
Anyways I told him I was going on vacation and taking at least a year off and that I would likely see him again in a year. He then said "Well, I hope you get rich" in a mocking sort of passive aggressive tone. It actually angered me a little after I got off the phone with him, but I said "I'm not planning on getting rich in a year, it doesn't work like that."
You see, it pissed me off to hear him say that because the place he was coming from was a mocking place of doubt. I understand it, as most fail at trading, but I never mentioned getting rich in my goodbye email. The email was about me pursuing ambitions I cannot undertake as a truck driver. The fact that he said what he said, and the way he said it hints to me that when the owner told him what I was leaving to do, they both more than likely knocked me in that moment. Well... I guess I was right about certain people. I have a point to make, and going back in a year will not mean I am a failure if I have to go.
Today is the first day of my new life. It is very difficult and I had an anxiety moment yesterday I have not had in 5 years, but this one was worse even though I am in a stable financial position this time. It is all on me. Developing the plan, testing the plan, reworking the plan, testing it live in demo, testing it live in a small account and if I am doing it all right... Going live on a larger account.
I have over $26,000 cash at the moment and I still have my last checks to get. I do not intend to lose that money trading blindly. I have worked my ass off for it. Had I not bought My new bike and gotten my Dental Implants paid for in advance I'd have about $33,000 to go with. I am proud of myself. But now it is time to be proud only because of other actions taking place. It is time for the talking to turn in to doing.
And at this moment, I have a house to clean and dishes to do. I look forward to the future, even with as scared as I am about it. One last thing I want to mention is that My phone plan was changed while I was out on the road and I didn't have data anymore, otherwise I would have reported that the robots were doing alright. I'll clarify more later but I have things to do.
I managed to make it out of there with the goodbyes to the people I cared enough about to tell, and avoid the conversation with the ones I don't. Not that they are bad people, but I didn't want to go through the long explanation with everyone. It's none of their business why I am leaving or what I intend to do.
So you know how the owner was supposed to call me after getting my goodbye email? Still never called, yet he took the time to mention my departure and ambitions to the office. On my way home yesterday, our safety guy called me. I called him back and asked me what my plans where because the owner wanted to confirm it... Well hell. Why not call me yourself owner??
Anyways I told him I was going on vacation and taking at least a year off and that I would likely see him again in a year. He then said "Well, I hope you get rich" in a mocking sort of passive aggressive tone. It actually angered me a little after I got off the phone with him, but I said "I'm not planning on getting rich in a year, it doesn't work like that."
You see, it pissed me off to hear him say that because the place he was coming from was a mocking place of doubt. I understand it, as most fail at trading, but I never mentioned getting rich in my goodbye email. The email was about me pursuing ambitions I cannot undertake as a truck driver. The fact that he said what he said, and the way he said it hints to me that when the owner told him what I was leaving to do, they both more than likely knocked me in that moment. Well... I guess I was right about certain people. I have a point to make, and going back in a year will not mean I am a failure if I have to go.
Today is the first day of my new life. It is very difficult and I had an anxiety moment yesterday I have not had in 5 years, but this one was worse even though I am in a stable financial position this time. It is all on me. Developing the plan, testing the plan, reworking the plan, testing it live in demo, testing it live in a small account and if I am doing it all right... Going live on a larger account.
I have over $26,000 cash at the moment and I still have my last checks to get. I do not intend to lose that money trading blindly. I have worked my ass off for it. Had I not bought My new bike and gotten my Dental Implants paid for in advance I'd have about $33,000 to go with. I am proud of myself. But now it is time to be proud only because of other actions taking place. It is time for the talking to turn in to doing.
And at this moment, I have a house to clean and dishes to do. I look forward to the future, even with as scared as I am about it. One last thing I want to mention is that My phone plan was changed while I was out on the road and I didn't have data anymore, otherwise I would have reported that the robots were doing alright. I'll clarify more later but I have things to do.
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