Well damn...
It's been a fucking long time.
I've thought about posting so often, but each day that passed had me holding onto less and less clarity about any way to express what's been happening in my life. The only significant thing I have to observe anymore is how insignificant any of it really is.
At the end of the day, it's all basically the same as it ever was.
We wake up, the day is filled with some sort of emotional energy, we maintain our existence and we fall asleep to do it again.
We hope to enjoy our time from A to B, but then again, discontent is the engine that drives us. The paradox is that the paradox doesn't exist until we try to grab hold of a thing.
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
I can't fucking believe my life...
All too often anymore, the lessons are left unspoken, because they are so beautiful the words escape me.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Gratitude...
I am swimming in it... Gratitude... Fuck. Words just don't...
I stare for minutes at a time...
I have so much blank space to show for so full a heart.
I stare for minutes at a time...
I have so much blank space to show for so full a heart.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
A Closer look into my thoughts on PolyAmory
It's early in the morning, and I'm tired and hungry, so I don't have the energy to flesh this out as I feel it deserves. I may come back to it and refine it and add some more nuance to it later, but I can't promise that so for now, it is what it is.
Is it merely coincidence that I notice exceptionally attractive females tend to populate the category of Polyamorous?
Or, is it not?
I've found myself pondering this lately as I have been doing that super fun online dating thing... haha!
So here's my theory: Beautiful people get more admiration than normal people, and I'd say you have to at least double that for beautiful women, because men are much more creepy and free spirited in cat-calling and being overall horny dogs that can't control themselves.... especially on the internet. This isn't an allegation, it's a fact I've witnessed all my life.
I get the gut feeling that extreme beauty comes with an inherent power that the average person takes full advantage of. Not at all to say I think that's good or bad, it just makes sense to me. The world is kind of your oyster in certain respects if you possess rare beauty.
I also see the personal handicap that being beautiful can come with, as I've met many beautiful people that have little character... no genuine substance that I could value. Why do I think this happens? At present my theory is that when you are beautiful, people want you to like them, and so life tends to be a little easier for you because you've got people doing you favors... A beautiful person can often manipulate the desires of another to get what they want. The reality is that genetics rule life, and people are likely to cater to a genetically superior human in the chances of something more. It's hilarious how easily we surrender to them at times.
Put plainly, spoiled people who are consistently worshiped and get what they want more of the time, do not go through character building struggle like less attractive people do. I have to say this makes perfect sense to me, as I've met far more socially unattractive people who are of a much more developed character than the latter. They've had to earn their way, and possibly work even harder if their shortcomings in the looks department cause people to actually treat them substandard in relation to an average looking person.
In the same way that a person who has money has more options in life, a person with the currency of beauty has more options and can sometimes possess the attention of some men who are willing to share them as long as it means they can experience them. Now... I realize the sound of that statement, as if all I view it as is an opportunity to use someone. Undoubtedly that takes place, of which how much I am unsure of, but I am in no way wishing to expresses that all beautiful polyamorous women are self absorbed spoiled people who just use men for what they want. But...
And this is a long, drawn out, patient, contemplative but... Again, I have to look at the correlation I've personally noticed. I haven't seen (that I recall) any unattractive people in polyamorous relationships. Why the fuck is that?
The answer seems obvious to me: Those people don't have the option of choice. They don't have the power to attract others to them, and perhaps often, they are lucky just to have anyone at all. (Realistically I tend to feel like we are all fortunate to have anyone at all that truly cares for us, but I said that for the sake of the point) They aren't spoiled, and they have the ability to appreciate what's in front of them and don't feel a void because they aren't used to having things their way frequently. I think that makes a bit of sense.
So, as I zoom out and look at how I'm really feeling, I have to be honest and say it troubles me a little to see this be the pattern. It's not about right or wrong, and I know it's my own ego bullshit, but I have to be honest and admit I'm a little jealous or, "off-put" by the power these people possess.... Well, rather how they use it I suppose.
But I have to ask myself, if I were so beautiful that women flocked to me, what are the chances that I would do the same and explore several options at once if I had the power to keep their interests while doing so? Would it corrupt my sensibilities? Would I rationalize away the disturbing factors I know feel? It's absolutely a possibility, especially if it had been happening my entire life. I wouldn't know anything else I suppose.
But ultimately, it doesn't matter. It feels like it does, but it doesn't. There are beautiful people out there that have struggled and become something on the inside that matches their outward beauty, I just need to focus on that and find one of my own.
Is it merely coincidence that I notice exceptionally attractive females tend to populate the category of Polyamorous?
Or, is it not?
I've found myself pondering this lately as I have been doing that super fun online dating thing... haha!
So here's my theory: Beautiful people get more admiration than normal people, and I'd say you have to at least double that for beautiful women, because men are much more creepy and free spirited in cat-calling and being overall horny dogs that can't control themselves.... especially on the internet. This isn't an allegation, it's a fact I've witnessed all my life.
I get the gut feeling that extreme beauty comes with an inherent power that the average person takes full advantage of. Not at all to say I think that's good or bad, it just makes sense to me. The world is kind of your oyster in certain respects if you possess rare beauty.
I also see the personal handicap that being beautiful can come with, as I've met many beautiful people that have little character... no genuine substance that I could value. Why do I think this happens? At present my theory is that when you are beautiful, people want you to like them, and so life tends to be a little easier for you because you've got people doing you favors... A beautiful person can often manipulate the desires of another to get what they want. The reality is that genetics rule life, and people are likely to cater to a genetically superior human in the chances of something more. It's hilarious how easily we surrender to them at times.
Put plainly, spoiled people who are consistently worshiped and get what they want more of the time, do not go through character building struggle like less attractive people do. I have to say this makes perfect sense to me, as I've met far more socially unattractive people who are of a much more developed character than the latter. They've had to earn their way, and possibly work even harder if their shortcomings in the looks department cause people to actually treat them substandard in relation to an average looking person.
In the same way that a person who has money has more options in life, a person with the currency of beauty has more options and can sometimes possess the attention of some men who are willing to share them as long as it means they can experience them. Now... I realize the sound of that statement, as if all I view it as is an opportunity to use someone. Undoubtedly that takes place, of which how much I am unsure of, but I am in no way wishing to expresses that all beautiful polyamorous women are self absorbed spoiled people who just use men for what they want. But...
And this is a long, drawn out, patient, contemplative but... Again, I have to look at the correlation I've personally noticed. I haven't seen (that I recall) any unattractive people in polyamorous relationships. Why the fuck is that?
The answer seems obvious to me: Those people don't have the option of choice. They don't have the power to attract others to them, and perhaps often, they are lucky just to have anyone at all. (Realistically I tend to feel like we are all fortunate to have anyone at all that truly cares for us, but I said that for the sake of the point) They aren't spoiled, and they have the ability to appreciate what's in front of them and don't feel a void because they aren't used to having things their way frequently. I think that makes a bit of sense.
So, as I zoom out and look at how I'm really feeling, I have to be honest and say it troubles me a little to see this be the pattern. It's not about right or wrong, and I know it's my own ego bullshit, but I have to be honest and admit I'm a little jealous or, "off-put" by the power these people possess.... Well, rather how they use it I suppose.
But I have to ask myself, if I were so beautiful that women flocked to me, what are the chances that I would do the same and explore several options at once if I had the power to keep their interests while doing so? Would it corrupt my sensibilities? Would I rationalize away the disturbing factors I know feel? It's absolutely a possibility, especially if it had been happening my entire life. I wouldn't know anything else I suppose.
But ultimately, it doesn't matter. It feels like it does, but it doesn't. There are beautiful people out there that have struggled and become something on the inside that matches their outward beauty, I just need to focus on that and find one of my own.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Life Update
It's been awhile and things just keep piling up!
Work is going very well, still totally loving my car and I built a my first deck!
Also, I met came across a trailer hauling the electrical bikes from that documentary I told you about last year "Billions in Change"!
I've taken a few interesting photos:
Our beta fish Sans
A tiny Jumping spider
I'm just really content with life over all. Something really cool that I'm getting Wednesday is this VR headset called the HTC vive... I tried it out at the Microsoft store and it blew me away within seconds. All I can say is, all the videos do nothing to convey the fact that you feel like you are really in this environment...
I just spent $400 on a New graphics card, more RAM and a new power supply to make my computer "VR Ready". The VIVE itself cost $891 including tax and shipping, but it's completely worth it!
I really don't have anything else to say except I'm in the best place in life I've ever been. I'm really enjoying myself wholeheartedly for the first time in my life that I can recall.
A new gym opens up 3 miles from home in July I think, so I'm looking forward to that. Oh, and today I went on my first hike since breaking my heel at the end of January. I made the entire hike in 27 minutes, which was really satisfying! It's really just been a great day. I drove my Z up past the University with the top down and it was so nice out man.... I'm so freaking thankful for my life.
Work is going very well, still totally loving my car and I built a my first deck!
Also, I met came across a trailer hauling the electrical bikes from that documentary I told you about last year "Billions in Change"!
I've taken a few interesting photos:
I'm just really content with life over all. Something really cool that I'm getting Wednesday is this VR headset called the HTC vive... I tried it out at the Microsoft store and it blew me away within seconds. All I can say is, all the videos do nothing to convey the fact that you feel like you are really in this environment...
I just spent $400 on a New graphics card, more RAM and a new power supply to make my computer "VR Ready". The VIVE itself cost $891 including tax and shipping, but it's completely worth it!
I really don't have anything else to say except I'm in the best place in life I've ever been. I'm really enjoying myself wholeheartedly for the first time in my life that I can recall.
A new gym opens up 3 miles from home in July I think, so I'm looking forward to that. Oh, and today I went on my first hike since breaking my heel at the end of January. I made the entire hike in 27 minutes, which was really satisfying! It's really just been a great day. I drove my Z up past the University with the top down and it was so nice out man.... I'm so freaking thankful for my life.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
My first Day at work
I am so tired I just don't have much energy to write, but I decided to buy a car so I wouldn't have to ride my motorcycle in the snow and rain anymore to work... I paid cash and got a great deal on my new baby!
Today I drove her to work and I loved it... she handles well and sounds quite nice. For now, I've decided to just watch the robots trade, as I spent most of my capital on medical bills and this car. I still have a nice buffer left, and that's exactly what I want it to be, a buffer, not trading capital. With my job and lack of bills, I'll recoup pretty quickly and you know what? The quality of my life is what that money and growing it was all about to begin with... I feel like I made the right choice.
Until next time.
Monday, May 2, 2016
More lovely news!
Java, my old dispatcher called me this afternoon and asked me if I wanted a local driving job! Home every night, just like I wanted! I start orientation tomorrow! I can't believe it man...
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Signs and Wonders
I'm not a person that believes in signs really, I just like the entertainment I get from coincidences. This recently happened; My wife and I were going through finances to determine what I owed her in reimbursement for my bills. There had been some computational errors in her numbers and since I kept track of things a little better we just decided to use my numbers and throw in what she had that I was missing...
Low and behold, as she typed in the final cell of the spreadsheet the total I owed her was $777.07. We both burst out laughing, knowing all too well that it was just perfect. That amount takes into account the refund I got from the Robots from Scott as well... to me it's perfectly hilarious.
So, with that out of the way, another strikingly amazing thing has lined up to happen in my life that makes me feel like my life is truly heading in the healthiest direction for me.
I found out last night that my ex wants me to relinquish my rights because her significant other wants to adopt a child we had 7 years ago. I know I haven't ever mentioned this child, so it may be a surprise, but I decided long ago it would be better for him that I not be in his life at all rather than once every year or so... He needed a real consistent father figure. On top of that, his mother and I just don't get along. It is still up to her to keep her word, and she's not a very trustworthy person... Until it's done, to me it's just talk, but we'll see how it turns out.
So many interesting events taking place... Now I just need a job.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Deep Cycles
I've now been out of my cast for about 34 days.
In that period of time I've gotten almost all my range of motion back. I've been walking, climbing stairs, carrying heavy shit.
The last few days I've been carrying a heavier and heavier burden emotionally. I've got no job, no real money in any portfolio, no supportive wife to carry my financial burden and bills to pay... I'm not whining, or complaining, just feeling the weight of what is to come.
I can get my old job back today if I wanted to, but I've learned in this 10 month span that I really don't want to go back to that by any means. I could be waiting forever on a local driving job phone call from them... I still want to wash trucks. I need to bring money in so that I don't feel like a loser.
The family I am living with would roll their eyes at the idea of me feeling like a loser after how dramatically I've changed things around here for the positive, but for me, I need the independence of money. I need what that brings in order to feel free, because without a genuine sense of freedom... I'm just not me.
I know I'm not a loser, I just feel like one. I feel poor having $15,000 left in my bank account when others would feel rich. Why do I feel poor then? Because it is being sucked out of the account if I am not contributing to it, and to me, the logical inevitability is that the balance will go to zero as long as this situation persists.
It is imperative that I become employed. It is fucking with me that I am not. I am afraid of it, but my fear of failure without a job must become greater than the fear of having one. It's really that simple.
I know that as soon as I have one I'll feel better about my situation. Then, as live is and always does, a new problem will walk into my consciousness to worry about. Perhaps it will be financial, perhaps health related... who knows, but guaranteed something will fill the void.
I haven't been sleeping well since I got here... and lately I've been waking up with heel pain in the night, which strangely goes away as soon as I begin to walk.
I've painted my room. I've cleaned the shit out of every room in this house. I painted the bathroom, I've mowed and weeded the yard... I've piled heavy ass rocks. I've washed and detailed the cars. I've buffed the calcium off the windows. I've washed the couch cushion covers. I've organized the crawl space and cut out bad carpet. I've hung shelves in the laundry room... I've reattached flashing on the roof. I felt at peace while doing all of it, but now at rest, I feel only anxiety and worry and dark direction-less silence.
Sometimes I wonder how I will manage a life filled with enough action to keep that at bay until I die. I mean, we are all on the same path to nowhere aren't we? At least it's nowhere until we find out otherwise. It is the passion we have in our journey that seems to make it worth it.
Sometimes, we just need some sleep.
In that period of time I've gotten almost all my range of motion back. I've been walking, climbing stairs, carrying heavy shit.
The last few days I've been carrying a heavier and heavier burden emotionally. I've got no job, no real money in any portfolio, no supportive wife to carry my financial burden and bills to pay... I'm not whining, or complaining, just feeling the weight of what is to come.
I can get my old job back today if I wanted to, but I've learned in this 10 month span that I really don't want to go back to that by any means. I could be waiting forever on a local driving job phone call from them... I still want to wash trucks. I need to bring money in so that I don't feel like a loser.
The family I am living with would roll their eyes at the idea of me feeling like a loser after how dramatically I've changed things around here for the positive, but for me, I need the independence of money. I need what that brings in order to feel free, because without a genuine sense of freedom... I'm just not me.
I know I'm not a loser, I just feel like one. I feel poor having $15,000 left in my bank account when others would feel rich. Why do I feel poor then? Because it is being sucked out of the account if I am not contributing to it, and to me, the logical inevitability is that the balance will go to zero as long as this situation persists.
It is imperative that I become employed. It is fucking with me that I am not. I am afraid of it, but my fear of failure without a job must become greater than the fear of having one. It's really that simple.
I know that as soon as I have one I'll feel better about my situation. Then, as live is and always does, a new problem will walk into my consciousness to worry about. Perhaps it will be financial, perhaps health related... who knows, but guaranteed something will fill the void.
I haven't been sleeping well since I got here... and lately I've been waking up with heel pain in the night, which strangely goes away as soon as I begin to walk.
I've painted my room. I've cleaned the shit out of every room in this house. I painted the bathroom, I've mowed and weeded the yard... I've piled heavy ass rocks. I've washed and detailed the cars. I've buffed the calcium off the windows. I've washed the couch cushion covers. I've organized the crawl space and cut out bad carpet. I've hung shelves in the laundry room... I've reattached flashing on the roof. I felt at peace while doing all of it, but now at rest, I feel only anxiety and worry and dark direction-less silence.
Sometimes I wonder how I will manage a life filled with enough action to keep that at bay until I die. I mean, we are all on the same path to nowhere aren't we? At least it's nowhere until we find out otherwise. It is the passion we have in our journey that seems to make it worth it.
Sometimes, we just need some sleep.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Transitions
I'm pretty tired so this post is not going to get the attention I'd like to give it.
I've since moved out and am living with friends and family. Things have been very busy, but therapeutic. The trading thing has been on hold until I get the portfolios ready and figure out my finances clearly. Not sure if I mentioned this or not, but the bike had another issue... the Stator died on it so I had to buy a replacement. It now charges 14 volts at idle and I'm relieved. It stranded me on the highway the other day and I had to push it 1/4 mile down the road before anyone stopped. Anyways, on to my situation...
How am I handling all this emotionally? Truth is, I'm extremely grateful for all of it. I had 6 years of growing with this person, and although our relationship has changed, I have a friend for life and I've reached the point where instead of sadness about it not working out, I have gratitude for what was, what I learned and who I became because of all of it. I have sadness for sure, but most of that sadness comes because I care about her so much and empathize for her own sadness.
It usually turns out with two people hating each other so much and being so incompatible that they just move on and eventually stop talking altogether. I think that seems to be the social norm, but I've grown to feel differently about things being that way. There's no reason for me to hate her just because we can't get along as husband and wife. In fact I have always had a ton of love for her, more love for her than anyone, but love isn't enough to keep two very different people together sometimes. And I'm okay with that.
As I've grown, new levels of feeling and understanding have developed in me. Understanding doesn't rid you of the pain of life, but it can help put it in perspective, which can drastically change how you feel about it.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Strange Day...
So today, I had some weird guy knock on my door and ask if some dude was here.... My wife said no and shut the door. 5 mins later a violent knock on the door happens. As soon as I open the door I see a figure running down the stairs and across the road yelling "Mother fucker better give me my goddamn money!"
There was a white car parked across the drive and he got in. The driver made eye contact with me and signaled his hand, but I don't know what for. I said "Are you ok?" and they just hurriedly drove off.
I closed the door, sat back down working on my email to Scott about my problems and asking for a refund.
5 minutes later there was more violent banging outside the door... I went to the peephole to see some guy in a red turned-back hat and black hoodie kicking and banging on all 4 doors on our level... He was moving like he was on drugs. I have no idea what the fuck it was all about but I heard someone calling for him. I decided to get my camera and when I went to the kitchen I saw the guy getting into a white Ford focus...
The lens was smudged unfortunately and my settings were shit... but I managed to get a side shot of the guy in the red hat as they hauled ass out of the complex.
I called the cops and reported them... The car is registered about 40 miles north... I hope they stay down there.
Then, as spooked as I was, I decided to lock the bike up. I went to the put the chain around the tire and I saw this:
Some fucking asshole, in the last few days has been cutting on my chain! So fuck him. I moved the bike to right in front of my apartment next to another dude's bike in the same spot.
My maintenance man and I went to the shop because I was curious as to how long it would take to make those marks... Well, the lock was so slippery that he could barely get a notch started! They must have been there for a long time.
Anyways, aside from that, I really wrote a detailed, frustration riddled email to Scott about wanting a refund and how his clients are in for trouble... I'll likely post all this later, as it's a HUGE time line showing just how deflective and evasive he is...
Anyways, he said he was going to give me a refund, and he sends $1,500 (which is only half) to the wrong PayPal address... We'll see if I end up getting it all back or not.
There was a white car parked across the drive and he got in. The driver made eye contact with me and signaled his hand, but I don't know what for. I said "Are you ok?" and they just hurriedly drove off.
I closed the door, sat back down working on my email to Scott about my problems and asking for a refund.
5 minutes later there was more violent banging outside the door... I went to the peephole to see some guy in a red turned-back hat and black hoodie kicking and banging on all 4 doors on our level... He was moving like he was on drugs. I have no idea what the fuck it was all about but I heard someone calling for him. I decided to get my camera and when I went to the kitchen I saw the guy getting into a white Ford focus...
Then, as spooked as I was, I decided to lock the bike up. I went to the put the chain around the tire and I saw this:
My maintenance man and I went to the shop because I was curious as to how long it would take to make those marks... Well, the lock was so slippery that he could barely get a notch started! They must have been there for a long time.
Anyways, aside from that, I really wrote a detailed, frustration riddled email to Scott about wanting a refund and how his clients are in for trouble... I'll likely post all this later, as it's a HUGE time line showing just how deflective and evasive he is...
Anyways, he said he was going to give me a refund, and he sends $1,500 (which is only half) to the wrong PayPal address... We'll see if I end up getting it all back or not.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
MY OTHER DUE DILIGENCE
Proud to announce that after only 2 months since the accident, I took my first unassisted steps yesterday out to the dumpster and back. I also climbed 39 flights of stairs at the gym. Over all flexibility is near normal since I've been stretching in the hot tub every day.
I trimmed the race rails down flush on the bike today so that if it hits the ground again it will just slide on the entire length rather than get caught on the notch that's sticking out. I love Juicy, but She's no Fro-J.... I really miss the Yamaha.. I would love a Ninja too... But likely, I need a freaking car first.
Anyways, I sent Scott my PDF and explained it to him and he responded shortly thereafter. He didn't bother to explain why the stock robots do over 40% worse, and he defended his TradeStation data, which is fine, but I was covering the spread issues as well and he pretty much decided the whole conversation was moot because I mentioned wanting to do the Trend Following Portfolio instead.
As of right now, I have trimmed the 12 pair portfolio down to 8 of the best ones in MT4 and will let them trade and see how they do.
I'll keep you posted an all the details when I can.
I trimmed the race rails down flush on the bike today so that if it hits the ground again it will just slide on the entire length rather than get caught on the notch that's sticking out. I love Juicy, but She's no Fro-J.... I really miss the Yamaha.. I would love a Ninja too... But likely, I need a freaking car first.
Anyways, I sent Scott my PDF and explained it to him and he responded shortly thereafter. He didn't bother to explain why the stock robots do over 40% worse, and he defended his TradeStation data, which is fine, but I was covering the spread issues as well and he pretty much decided the whole conversation was moot because I mentioned wanting to do the Trend Following Portfolio instead.
As of right now, I have trimmed the 12 pair portfolio down to 8 of the best ones in MT4 and will let them trade and see how they do.
I'll keep you posted an all the details when I can.
Monday, March 28, 2016
MY DUE DILIGENCE
Since my last post I've spent time constructing a spreadsheet and I'd like to share my findings here with you.
Many, many months ago I spent $3,000 hard earned dollars on a portfolio of Scott's robots. What would have been great is to just be able to load them up, fund an account and watch them be profitable over time. I was REALLY looking forward to this, but alas, this is the real world and I try my best not to be an idiot consumer. Thus, I did my research and drug the whole process out even farther. Since TradeStation Forex accounts went down the shitter I've since gotten the MetaTrader versions of the robots. Thanks to the fact that I am not a total idiot and no longer trust Scott, I did some simple backtests and came to some startling results. You will need to click on these images and enlarge them to see things clearly. A link to the PDF I created is right HERE.
Originally, in it's stock setting for the CADJPY, the robot didn't take any trades at all because the settings were set in a way that a trade would never take place... That's not the kind of attention to detail I want in a $3,000 multi-month hellish experience. I ended up using the original TradeStation settings on it.
I'm getting really close to asking for a refund, and I hope to God he complies if and when I do. I really want to get my hands on the trend following robots and see as much data about them as I can. You only have 180 days to request a refund on PayPal, so time is ticking.
Many, many months ago I spent $3,000 hard earned dollars on a portfolio of Scott's robots. What would have been great is to just be able to load them up, fund an account and watch them be profitable over time. I was REALLY looking forward to this, but alas, this is the real world and I try my best not to be an idiot consumer. Thus, I did my research and drug the whole process out even farther. Since TradeStation Forex accounts went down the shitter I've since gotten the MetaTrader versions of the robots. Thanks to the fact that I am not a total idiot and no longer trust Scott, I did some simple backtests and came to some startling results. You will need to click on these images and enlarge them to see things clearly. A link to the PDF I created is right HERE.
Originally, in it's stock setting for the CADJPY, the robot didn't take any trades at all because the settings were set in a way that a trade would never take place... That's not the kind of attention to detail I want in a $3,000 multi-month hellish experience. I ended up using the original TradeStation settings on it.
Thursday, March 24, 2016
MORE ISSUES AND I'M GETTING TIRED OF THEM
Ok, It's freaking late and I am tired, but I just wanted to vent for a bit and explain what the hell is going on.
So anyone who has been following this blog knows by now that I have not put a single dime of my real money into the Robotic portfolio yet, it's all been simulated trading and months now of trying to get a hold of some sense of reliability here...
I am a very detail oriented person, and from the very beginning things have not felt entirely right about this whole thing. From the way Scott communicated with me, to how long it took him to send me any info, which was just a slice of what I asked for, to the fact that half the info he sent me was totally bogus because he recorded it with errors on his chart settings, along how long it took us to figure out that was the problem (and him continually assuring me certain concerns I had were of no real concern), to TradeStation being an unstable shiny turd and not taking trades it should have taken, to them shutting down their Forex business, to getting the new MT4 robots that are missing key settings that the other robots actually utilized (Even though Scott has told me they do not utilize them)....
Well, since I couldn't freaking sleep again tonight I decided to take a closer look at the differences between the MT4 robot and the TradeStation robot. The MT4 robots haven't taken a single trade in over 24 hours, which is unusual for a portfolio of 12 robots I thought. So I opened up TradeStation to check and see if it had shown any trades for the portfolio as well. Thankfully there were no trades on that platform either, but I did get to thinking and checked some things out.
I backtested the USD/CHF pair in MT4, and it was profitable in the last year. I looked at the same pair in TradeStation, with the same settings and it had horribly lost money.
What the hell would cause that? Remember the post a little while back about how crazy the spreads are on some of these pairs? Well, that's always been a concern in the back of my mind: If these robots are taking as little as 5 pips profit, (And one of them did) it's very important that the testing include accurate slippage on each trade.
Well, I did some research on TradeStation settings and ran across two very important details that have changed things for me drastically. I found out that not only does TradeStation simulate some trades that will never take place in real life, (Which I'll explain in a moment) I also found out for certain that the only way to account for the spread is to enter the spread in the "Slippage" setting in the properties for the backtest.
I'd like to address the latter aspect first: the spread. Early on, I asked Scott about the spread being accurately represented in the TradeStation settings and the data in his spreadsheet. He has told me and others online continuously "I include enough slippage into the robot so that I actually do better in real life".
The bad news is that according to the live, real-time spreads shown on the actual MT4 platform in comparison to what is set in TradeStation, he is using half of the actual spread, and sometimes even less, which greatly effects the performance results as I will show you below.
The first point I mentioned, is that TradeStation will take a trade in the Strategy side of things at times, and will never actually execute it in real life and visa versa. Why? Because of how TradeStation tests. Listen Carefully and I'll try to make this as simple as I can.
MetaTrader tests with the spread included in the simulated price, therefore, if you set it for a 2 pip spread on the EUR/USD currency pair the buy price is 2 pips away from the sell price. 2 pips would be a price increment of 0.00020 just to be clear. In reality the price would look something like this:
Buy price: 1.11629 (also known as the ask, what sellers are asking for)
Sell price: 1.11609 (also known as the bid, what buyers are asking for)
However, TradeStation uses only the Sell price for both buying and selling in the strategy!
Buy price: 1.11609
Sell price: 1.11609
Why does that matter? I'll explain very clearly why.
Lets Say the market is dropping from 1.11720 and you have a buy order at 1.11609 because you think price will bottom out and turn around there. Because TradeStation backtesting only uses the Sell price to enter, if the sell price hits 1.11609 and price turns without going any lower, the strategy would think you took the trade, but in the real world you can't buy at the sell price. Because of the 2 pip spread, the real price you could buy at would be 1.11629 and that would mean you never actually took the trade.
Let's reverse the logic and say price was rising from 1.11520 up to a buy order you had at 1.11629. Lets say the sell price came up as far as 1.11609 and turned around. In real life, because of the 2 pip spread the buy price would have hit your entry at 1.11629 and your trade would have been triggered, when the strategy tester would have never entered the trade at all.
In both of these examples you can see a huge potential problem. In a currency where the spread is usually 1.5 pips, it may not be as likely that you will run into this problem. However, when the spread is 4 or 5 pips on a pair, this can happen even more depending on the volatility of the currency... It is a wider margin of error theoretically. This is a gigantic problem in my eyes and erodes the confidence needed to believe in this trading system based on TradeStation's method of testing.
I personally can't trust data that accounts for trades that would have never taken place or trades that would have happened in real life, that never show up in testing. Given the volatility of the market, I do think those occurrences would be somewhat rare, But who can really tell?
It may seem like no big deal, but who knows how many trades out of the thousands tested in TradeStation were BIG winners that would have never happened in real life thanks to a few measly pips not accounted for? And who can say there aren't missed losers for the same reason? You'd have to manually go back through the entire chart history and look at each trade to see if price turned around immediately. That would be exhaustive and even then, the robots are not the same for MT4 anyways. They are missing some trade settings. AND YES, THE ROBOTS ARE MISSING SETTINGS THAT THE TRADESTATION ROBOTS USED: An RSI exit that closes the position when overbought or oversold is reached. Here is just one example with the AUD/JPY.
You'll have to click on the image to see it clearly. I know it says "Same settings" but what I mean is "All the same settings besides the missing RSI exit".
So not only does TradeStation both potentially miss and add trades it shouldn't, it includes the slippage after the fact, which exacerbates the problem. Think of it like a ship in the sea. A small change in the sail at the beginning can produce a drastically different arrival point down the road. I imagine that may be what is happening here... The original TradeStation robot did so-so for 4 years and 9 months at 29%... But the MT4 versions adjusted version came in a half that amount! 15% gain in nearly 5 years is horrible!
That alone is a thorn in my mind, but given the other large problem being the fact that the spread was improperly input into the slippage... Once more accurately represented, it drastically alters the end result.
At this point, the only reliable testing out of the two for me, is MetaTrader, and those results have become unappealing with the more accurate spreads in the testing.
Perhaps a trend following portfolio, where the spread is of little consequence, is the way to go?
So anyone who has been following this blog knows by now that I have not put a single dime of my real money into the Robotic portfolio yet, it's all been simulated trading and months now of trying to get a hold of some sense of reliability here...
I am a very detail oriented person, and from the very beginning things have not felt entirely right about this whole thing. From the way Scott communicated with me, to how long it took him to send me any info, which was just a slice of what I asked for, to the fact that half the info he sent me was totally bogus because he recorded it with errors on his chart settings, along how long it took us to figure out that was the problem (and him continually assuring me certain concerns I had were of no real concern), to TradeStation being an unstable shiny turd and not taking trades it should have taken, to them shutting down their Forex business, to getting the new MT4 robots that are missing key settings that the other robots actually utilized (Even though Scott has told me they do not utilize them)....
Well, since I couldn't freaking sleep again tonight I decided to take a closer look at the differences between the MT4 robot and the TradeStation robot. The MT4 robots haven't taken a single trade in over 24 hours, which is unusual for a portfolio of 12 robots I thought. So I opened up TradeStation to check and see if it had shown any trades for the portfolio as well. Thankfully there were no trades on that platform either, but I did get to thinking and checked some things out.
I backtested the USD/CHF pair in MT4, and it was profitable in the last year. I looked at the same pair in TradeStation, with the same settings and it had horribly lost money.
What the hell would cause that? Remember the post a little while back about how crazy the spreads are on some of these pairs? Well, that's always been a concern in the back of my mind: If these robots are taking as little as 5 pips profit, (And one of them did) it's very important that the testing include accurate slippage on each trade.
Well, I did some research on TradeStation settings and ran across two very important details that have changed things for me drastically. I found out that not only does TradeStation simulate some trades that will never take place in real life, (Which I'll explain in a moment) I also found out for certain that the only way to account for the spread is to enter the spread in the "Slippage" setting in the properties for the backtest.
I'd like to address the latter aspect first: the spread. Early on, I asked Scott about the spread being accurately represented in the TradeStation settings and the data in his spreadsheet. He has told me and others online continuously "I include enough slippage into the robot so that I actually do better in real life".
The bad news is that according to the live, real-time spreads shown on the actual MT4 platform in comparison to what is set in TradeStation, he is using half of the actual spread, and sometimes even less, which greatly effects the performance results as I will show you below.
The first point I mentioned, is that TradeStation will take a trade in the Strategy side of things at times, and will never actually execute it in real life and visa versa. Why? Because of how TradeStation tests. Listen Carefully and I'll try to make this as simple as I can.
MetaTrader tests with the spread included in the simulated price, therefore, if you set it for a 2 pip spread on the EUR/USD currency pair the buy price is 2 pips away from the sell price. 2 pips would be a price increment of 0.00020 just to be clear. In reality the price would look something like this:
Buy price: 1.11629 (also known as the ask, what sellers are asking for)
Sell price: 1.11609 (also known as the bid, what buyers are asking for)
However, TradeStation uses only the Sell price for both buying and selling in the strategy!
Buy price: 1.11609
Sell price: 1.11609
Why does that matter? I'll explain very clearly why.
Lets Say the market is dropping from 1.11720 and you have a buy order at 1.11609 because you think price will bottom out and turn around there. Because TradeStation backtesting only uses the Sell price to enter, if the sell price hits 1.11609 and price turns without going any lower, the strategy would think you took the trade, but in the real world you can't buy at the sell price. Because of the 2 pip spread, the real price you could buy at would be 1.11629 and that would mean you never actually took the trade.
Let's reverse the logic and say price was rising from 1.11520 up to a buy order you had at 1.11629. Lets say the sell price came up as far as 1.11609 and turned around. In real life, because of the 2 pip spread the buy price would have hit your entry at 1.11629 and your trade would have been triggered, when the strategy tester would have never entered the trade at all.
In both of these examples you can see a huge potential problem. In a currency where the spread is usually 1.5 pips, it may not be as likely that you will run into this problem. However, when the spread is 4 or 5 pips on a pair, this can happen even more depending on the volatility of the currency... It is a wider margin of error theoretically. This is a gigantic problem in my eyes and erodes the confidence needed to believe in this trading system based on TradeStation's method of testing.
I personally can't trust data that accounts for trades that would have never taken place or trades that would have happened in real life, that never show up in testing. Given the volatility of the market, I do think those occurrences would be somewhat rare, But who can really tell?
It may seem like no big deal, but who knows how many trades out of the thousands tested in TradeStation were BIG winners that would have never happened in real life thanks to a few measly pips not accounted for? And who can say there aren't missed losers for the same reason? You'd have to manually go back through the entire chart history and look at each trade to see if price turned around immediately. That would be exhaustive and even then, the robots are not the same for MT4 anyways. They are missing some trade settings. AND YES, THE ROBOTS ARE MISSING SETTINGS THAT THE TRADESTATION ROBOTS USED: An RSI exit that closes the position when overbought or oversold is reached. Here is just one example with the AUD/JPY.
So not only does TradeStation both potentially miss and add trades it shouldn't, it includes the slippage after the fact, which exacerbates the problem. Think of it like a ship in the sea. A small change in the sail at the beginning can produce a drastically different arrival point down the road. I imagine that may be what is happening here... The original TradeStation robot did so-so for 4 years and 9 months at 29%... But the MT4 versions adjusted version came in a half that amount! 15% gain in nearly 5 years is horrible!
That alone is a thorn in my mind, but given the other large problem being the fact that the spread was improperly input into the slippage... Once more accurately represented, it drastically alters the end result.
At this point, the only reliable testing out of the two for me, is MetaTrader, and those results have become unappealing with the more accurate spreads in the testing.
Perhaps a trend following portfolio, where the spread is of little consequence, is the way to go?
Monday, March 21, 2016
DEAR LOTTI
Here are links to read the things I've written that may give you some perspectives on things.
i <= H
One way to get something for nothing
Closer Look at Clichés: Live in the Present
DO WHAT MATTERS
Greatest start to the new year
Giving Thanks
Closer Look at Clichés: Judging a book by it's cover
About Failure
Thoughts on Balance
Rules Versus Principles
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Sunday Portfolio Spreads
You know, These are horrible spreads for day trading. I think I might leave the demo on to trade for a month and see how these Friday afternoon and Sunday spreads effect the bottom line. Some of these weekend spreads were 20 pips....
Saturday, March 19, 2016
i >= H
Value tends to be derived from the temporary nature of something. That's how we as humans do it very often, but it's all a matter of perception. And... I'm not prescribing that as right or wrong here.
It's been so easy for me to get upset at how easily something is destroyed over a matter of moments, when it can take years, a lifetime, or even several lifetimes to create. There's an inherent injustice in that to me. It feels like we're getting cheated out of something, that life has potential for nearly unlimited pain and destruction, but such a tiny cap on it's potential for joy and contentment. That is also just a perspective.
But today I really stuck for a moment on that obvious opening statement. It is the temporary that makes the good seem so damn good. When you find a great person that you really mesh with... it's because there aren't a lot of them out there. When you enjoy a meal so wonderful, because you haven't eaten in awhile, let alone had that taste in your mouth for some time.
Or sleep for example... I am awake right now because the shooting pain in my foot snatched me out of it.
But anyways, I don't think I've anything else to say. I'm just going to stew over that premise for a time.
Friday, March 18, 2016
Time to Rehabilitate
Got the cast off today. Now I am on a journey to stretch my tendon back to normal. It freaking hurts, but I'm glad to have the chance to make some serious progress.
By the way, I don't think I've mentioned it, but I've started learning to code in Metaquotes Language for MetaTrader 4. I've really learned a lot in the last week from tutorial videos on YouTube. It's challenging and exciting! And boring as hell sometimes haha xD
Thursday, March 17, 2016
Happy St. Portfolio's Day
Yep, it's March 17th.
Finally got the MT4 Robot today and now have a 12 pair portfolio loaded up. While I was watching both the TradeStation and MetaTrader platform simultaneously, the USD/JPY pair took a short trade and made a winner on both platforms. So that was nice to watch.
The new Robot is lacking some features that the TradeStation version had, but I suppose that's okay. The strange news is that the Robot isn't account locked at all... which means I can move it from account to account. For $3,000 that's a seriously great thing, because I wouldn't want to have to pay once more just to have it moved to another account. It's very trusting, and I hope no one abuses it by selling it to other people for personal gain. Here is a pic of both platforms. It's rather large.
Time to go for a ride before I potentially get my cast off tomorrow... If I go to a boot I don't know if I'll be able to go riding at all. I'll ask the Doc if I'm good enough to go riding. Sucks you need permission to do what you love... But, I am injured, it's a tiny bit different haha!
Finally got the MT4 Robot today and now have a 12 pair portfolio loaded up. While I was watching both the TradeStation and MetaTrader platform simultaneously, the USD/JPY pair took a short trade and made a winner on both platforms. So that was nice to watch.
The new Robot is lacking some features that the TradeStation version had, but I suppose that's okay. The strange news is that the Robot isn't account locked at all... which means I can move it from account to account. For $3,000 that's a seriously great thing, because I wouldn't want to have to pay once more just to have it moved to another account. It's very trusting, and I hope no one abuses it by selling it to other people for personal gain. Here is a pic of both platforms. It's rather large.
Time to go for a ride before I potentially get my cast off tomorrow... If I go to a boot I don't know if I'll be able to go riding at all. I'll ask the Doc if I'm good enough to go riding. Sucks you need permission to do what you love... But, I am injured, it's a tiny bit different haha!
Monday, March 14, 2016
MATURE CONTENT: Photos of my fitness update!
I finally got around to taking some new photos of myself today. I didn't work out so I didn't really have a pump going on. I would have loved that, but I am still pretty happy with the photos. It has become even more obvious that I need to work on my abs a lot more if I want them how I'd like. If you are a male reading this, you might not enjoy these photos unless you're able to appreciate the human body for it's outright mechanical beauty.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Restless
I can't sleep...
I've been nearly going crazy since the accident. I have to get better. I have to get back on my bike. I have to get out of this house and get a job. I have to finally get started with my Robotic Trading career with real money. Not to mention, My marriage is in trouble, but that's a long story that I'm not sure I'm going to explain any time soon, or at all.
March 11th was supposed to be my next appointment to go to the orthopedic place to have my heel looked at. They called the day before to tell me I had been bumped because they had an unforeseen surgery with someone and wouldn't be able to fit me in. Now the 18th is the reschedule... hopefully some good news, although at this point I can tell the bone is still open, because it swells when I let it down. It still hurts in a way that is obviously still broken. The plus side of no surgery is no added medical bills, the downside... a hell of a large gap for my bone to try and close up...
I'm still doing as much as I can that I was before. I'm still cleaning and organizing the house, doing laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, and actually driving to the store to grocery shop... all either on my hands and knees with the assistance of a backpack, or on crutches with awkwardly imbalanced weight on one side or the other.
My lack of mobility is seriously prison like, especially because I am not "Allowed" to ride the bike... But it's getting to that point where I'm going to start saying fuck it. I've already ridden it last month to go get it registered for the year and to go visit a friend in the nick of time... It's a hell of a lot easier than driving a manual transmission car....
I don't know what to say...
Well, I do have one thing to say: I'm still going to the gym consistently and eating healthy. I've fought hard to maintain my weight since the accident, I'm down only 3 lbs. Today has to be the 4th or 5th time someone has taken the time to tell me my work ethic at the gym in spite of my injury was "Inspiring". That made my day. I always work harder than anyone I see there. I push hard, but I know if there was a gun to my head to get a few more reps out I could muster it.
Did I ever mention I had the fucking "lunk alarm" go off on me for "Grunting" ?!?! Planet fitness is not a place that really wants you to kick ass and work hard unfortunately, they want to make money more than anything... And I understand that because they are a business, but they appeal to the lazy people who are never going to get anywhere, it brings in the most business... Hell... I can't believe they actually give out free pizza there...
Anyways, I worked my ass off as I usually do, but today I worked Triceps and Pecs really hard. It's the only time I leave the house... It's been so nice and sunny out these last few weeks (with a few exceptions) and I just can't crutch it everywhere... Pretty soon I'll be seeing baby ducklings running around :) That's always a treat.
A lot of difficult changes happening in my life soon it seems... I'll keep you posted.
I've been nearly going crazy since the accident. I have to get better. I have to get back on my bike. I have to get out of this house and get a job. I have to finally get started with my Robotic Trading career with real money. Not to mention, My marriage is in trouble, but that's a long story that I'm not sure I'm going to explain any time soon, or at all.
March 11th was supposed to be my next appointment to go to the orthopedic place to have my heel looked at. They called the day before to tell me I had been bumped because they had an unforeseen surgery with someone and wouldn't be able to fit me in. Now the 18th is the reschedule... hopefully some good news, although at this point I can tell the bone is still open, because it swells when I let it down. It still hurts in a way that is obviously still broken. The plus side of no surgery is no added medical bills, the downside... a hell of a large gap for my bone to try and close up...
I'm still doing as much as I can that I was before. I'm still cleaning and organizing the house, doing laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, and actually driving to the store to grocery shop... all either on my hands and knees with the assistance of a backpack, or on crutches with awkwardly imbalanced weight on one side or the other.
My lack of mobility is seriously prison like, especially because I am not "Allowed" to ride the bike... But it's getting to that point where I'm going to start saying fuck it. I've already ridden it last month to go get it registered for the year and to go visit a friend in the nick of time... It's a hell of a lot easier than driving a manual transmission car....
I don't know what to say...
Well, I do have one thing to say: I'm still going to the gym consistently and eating healthy. I've fought hard to maintain my weight since the accident, I'm down only 3 lbs. Today has to be the 4th or 5th time someone has taken the time to tell me my work ethic at the gym in spite of my injury was "Inspiring". That made my day. I always work harder than anyone I see there. I push hard, but I know if there was a gun to my head to get a few more reps out I could muster it.
Did I ever mention I had the fucking "lunk alarm" go off on me for "Grunting" ?!?! Planet fitness is not a place that really wants you to kick ass and work hard unfortunately, they want to make money more than anything... And I understand that because they are a business, but they appeal to the lazy people who are never going to get anywhere, it brings in the most business... Hell... I can't believe they actually give out free pizza there...
Anyways, I worked my ass off as I usually do, but today I worked Triceps and Pecs really hard. It's the only time I leave the house... It's been so nice and sunny out these last few weeks (with a few exceptions) and I just can't crutch it everywhere... Pretty soon I'll be seeing baby ducklings running around :) That's always a treat.
A lot of difficult changes happening in my life soon it seems... I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
The One Way to Get Something For Nothing
I picked up one of my old books the other day and opened it up to chapter 2. It was titled: "The One Way to Get Something For Nothing". Vernon Howard wrote this book. I came to know about Vernon through Ken Roberts' trading course my Dad ordered when I was 15. It had been so long since I had read this book that I didn't recall I had even read it, but I did because there were highlighted phrases and dog-eared pages. Here it is.
It is said that the best things in life are free. They are. That is why a man must stop trying to pay for them with anxious effort and unnatural strain.
Some wise individuals realize that hard work, all by itself, is no virtue. They are the alert ones. They see the difference between anxious striving and natural coasting.
Anxious effort gives you nothing for something.
Natural effort, effort harmonized with the natural laws of life, gives you something for nothing.
One task of Psycho-Pictography is to show you that the easy way is the right way. It does not appeal to an unrealistic desire to get something for nothing. It tries to show every man that he inwardly possesses everything he needs, but does not consciously know it.
You need not strive to create contentment or energy or friendships or anything else. You need only to claim them. You need not struggle. You need only realize. Your lamp is already lighted, and you need only to remove its covering.
Writes philosopher Meher Baba:
It must be impressed constantly upon humanity that the real birthright of every man and woman is to achieve his own original freedom, that it can be achieved, and that sooner or later it must be achieved. Without this, there is no lasting escape from the day-to-day problems
Suppose you knew that a map to a fabulous treasure had been taken to a mountain peak, torn and scattered to the four winds. You would, of course, search for the pieces-but would you strain anxiously at every step, or would you enjoy the adventure? Would you be gloomy, or would you step cheerfully around? Knowing that the treasure can be found, you would be excited, but at the same time relaxed.
Your treasures of contentment and energy and everything else are yours to find. That is what this chapter-in fact, the entire book-is all about.
Making Your Mind Your Best Friend
Throughout these pages, we will be meeting terms such as awareness, understanding, perception of Truth, higher levels of consciousness, and other similar terms. It is important to define them. For maximum clarity, I will phrase the definition in three different ways. Simply remember that they all mean the same thing.
Awareness or understanding or perception of Truth means:
To see something new; something we have never inwardly grasped until now.
Or:
To so understand an idea that it is no longer intellectual knowledge, but an internally operating fact.
Or:
To actually see a false attitude or viewpoint as false, and a truthful viewpoint as truthful.
When we were children, we had certain attitudes toward life; for example, that our parents should buy us every toy in the store window. As our understanding developed, that unrealistic attitude was replaced by genuine understanding. We were, therefore, free from a frustrating demand for toys. That is a simple example of the difference between a mere attitude and a mature understanding.
Let's take another misunderstanding, common to many people, relating to the mind. People do not realize that the mind can actually be transformed into something entirely different from a mechanically reacting machine. What may now be a man's worst enemy can be amazingly changed into a man's best friend. The very mind that may now be confused or angry or frustrated can be turned into something clear, creative, cheery, unafraid.
Misunderstanding is like a loosely built brick wall. Remove a key brick or two and the whole false structure collapses, enabling you to see beyond to a previously unknown empire.
Sometimes a simple statement of truth is enough to crack open a new world of awareness. I once asked a troubled man, "Did it ever occur to you that life might be good, and that you simply do not see it?"
He later reported, "That was like switching on a light bulb that had been out for years."
One of the greatest contributions of Psycho-Pictography is a new understanding. A positive mental picture attacks and destroys illusions and irritating imaginations.
If we are personally to find this wonderful new life, a new understanding is essential. We must discover who we really are, what we can actually do for ourselves, how we can change and brighten what we may now consider hopeless.
The first heroic step toward self-knowledge is he quiet admission that we presently do not know ourselves very well. Self-honesty is self-power. Armed with it, we can dash courageously into the adventure of self-discovery, certain of victory.
Try this for an encouraging truth: No sincere effort toward self-understanding is ever lost. It remains as an energizing force. This is such an inspiring idea that I want to repeat it: Once glimpsed, a new truth can never be lost. "Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers." (Alfred Lord Tennyson)
(To summarize following paragraphs)
How to Achieve Natural Happiness
"It is the lightening of inner loads you are now unconsciously carrying around. Most people are not aware of all the useless burdens that wear them down. Fearful imaginations and frozen attitudes. As you become conscious of these pointless burdens, you drop them. Remember, no man consciously or knowingly burdens himself. He doesn't see what he is doing to himself."
"I have a glimpse of that, I once saw the folly of always rushing around, of inventing useless activities just to keep my mind distracted. I saw that I wasn't rushing toward anything, but rather away from my unhappy self. (Sound familiar from the previous blog post??) Now I've learned to like my own company."
You know... I haven't even read all of this book before and just now thumbed through to a beautiful part way in the back...
"Should I Help Others?"
People confess, "I'm confused over the duty of helping other people. I want to be good to others, but I just don't have the strength. Is it selfish of me?"
A false sense of duty damages human harmony. So if you have ever asked a similar question, please follow:
For now, don't concern yourself in the least with ideas about helping others.
Concentrate your strength on achieving the self-change we have been covering. This is your first duty. In the long run, it is the richest contribution you could ever make to others.
Don't try to do something for another, rather, try to be someone to him. This other person, whether spouse or child or friend, will then inwardly recognize that you are different; they will sense your inner strength; they will have you as an example of a mature and unafraid person. You will be the genuinely spiritual person whom they hoped existed after all. You will be the one for whom they have been searching for all their lives, and the one who can really help them. All they have found up till now is someone who did something for them in expectation of getting something in return.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
With all that said, I have to say, I am in the good habit of not blindly taking in whatever comes to me. You are free to feel differently, but I am not concerned with the term spiritual. I also do think balance is a key component of my life. I'm not one to help 100% of the time without expecting something in return. It's a case by case basis, but realistically with where I am at in my life, I'm not going to do things unless I genuinely want to most of the time, and if I do something really nice for someone, appreciation would be nice. I don't buy into the whole selfless holy person thing. And don't get me started on "Karma", if you mention you're okay with not getting anything in return from someone because "Karma will come back to you".... that means you too are concerned about balance. Only difference is, my balance will be desired directly from the person I'm helping if I want it at all, not from some random perception of some invisible God determining my consequences down the road.
It is said that the best things in life are free. They are. That is why a man must stop trying to pay for them with anxious effort and unnatural strain.
Some wise individuals realize that hard work, all by itself, is no virtue. They are the alert ones. They see the difference between anxious striving and natural coasting.
Anxious effort gives you nothing for something.
Natural effort, effort harmonized with the natural laws of life, gives you something for nothing.
One task of Psycho-Pictography is to show you that the easy way is the right way. It does not appeal to an unrealistic desire to get something for nothing. It tries to show every man that he inwardly possesses everything he needs, but does not consciously know it.
You need not strive to create contentment or energy or friendships or anything else. You need only to claim them. You need not struggle. You need only realize. Your lamp is already lighted, and you need only to remove its covering.
Writes philosopher Meher Baba:
It must be impressed constantly upon humanity that the real birthright of every man and woman is to achieve his own original freedom, that it can be achieved, and that sooner or later it must be achieved. Without this, there is no lasting escape from the day-to-day problems
Suppose you knew that a map to a fabulous treasure had been taken to a mountain peak, torn and scattered to the four winds. You would, of course, search for the pieces-but would you strain anxiously at every step, or would you enjoy the adventure? Would you be gloomy, or would you step cheerfully around? Knowing that the treasure can be found, you would be excited, but at the same time relaxed.
Your treasures of contentment and energy and everything else are yours to find. That is what this chapter-in fact, the entire book-is all about.
Making Your Mind Your Best Friend
Throughout these pages, we will be meeting terms such as awareness, understanding, perception of Truth, higher levels of consciousness, and other similar terms. It is important to define them. For maximum clarity, I will phrase the definition in three different ways. Simply remember that they all mean the same thing.
Awareness or understanding or perception of Truth means:
To see something new; something we have never inwardly grasped until now.
Or:
To so understand an idea that it is no longer intellectual knowledge, but an internally operating fact.
Or:
To actually see a false attitude or viewpoint as false, and a truthful viewpoint as truthful.
When we were children, we had certain attitudes toward life; for example, that our parents should buy us every toy in the store window. As our understanding developed, that unrealistic attitude was replaced by genuine understanding. We were, therefore, free from a frustrating demand for toys. That is a simple example of the difference between a mere attitude and a mature understanding.
Let's take another misunderstanding, common to many people, relating to the mind. People do not realize that the mind can actually be transformed into something entirely different from a mechanically reacting machine. What may now be a man's worst enemy can be amazingly changed into a man's best friend. The very mind that may now be confused or angry or frustrated can be turned into something clear, creative, cheery, unafraid.
Misunderstanding is like a loosely built brick wall. Remove a key brick or two and the whole false structure collapses, enabling you to see beyond to a previously unknown empire.
Sometimes a simple statement of truth is enough to crack open a new world of awareness. I once asked a troubled man, "Did it ever occur to you that life might be good, and that you simply do not see it?"
He later reported, "That was like switching on a light bulb that had been out for years."
One of the greatest contributions of Psycho-Pictography is a new understanding. A positive mental picture attacks and destroys illusions and irritating imaginations.
If we are personally to find this wonderful new life, a new understanding is essential. We must discover who we really are, what we can actually do for ourselves, how we can change and brighten what we may now consider hopeless.
The first heroic step toward self-knowledge is he quiet admission that we presently do not know ourselves very well. Self-honesty is self-power. Armed with it, we can dash courageously into the adventure of self-discovery, certain of victory.
Try this for an encouraging truth: No sincere effort toward self-understanding is ever lost. It remains as an energizing force. This is such an inspiring idea that I want to repeat it: Once glimpsed, a new truth can never be lost. "Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers." (Alfred Lord Tennyson)
(To summarize following paragraphs)
How to Achieve Natural Happiness
"It is the lightening of inner loads you are now unconsciously carrying around. Most people are not aware of all the useless burdens that wear them down. Fearful imaginations and frozen attitudes. As you become conscious of these pointless burdens, you drop them. Remember, no man consciously or knowingly burdens himself. He doesn't see what he is doing to himself."
"I have a glimpse of that, I once saw the folly of always rushing around, of inventing useless activities just to keep my mind distracted. I saw that I wasn't rushing toward anything, but rather away from my unhappy self. (Sound familiar from the previous blog post??) Now I've learned to like my own company."
You know... I haven't even read all of this book before and just now thumbed through to a beautiful part way in the back...
"Should I Help Others?"
People confess, "I'm confused over the duty of helping other people. I want to be good to others, but I just don't have the strength. Is it selfish of me?"
A false sense of duty damages human harmony. So if you have ever asked a similar question, please follow:
For now, don't concern yourself in the least with ideas about helping others.
Concentrate your strength on achieving the self-change we have been covering. This is your first duty. In the long run, it is the richest contribution you could ever make to others.
Don't try to do something for another, rather, try to be someone to him. This other person, whether spouse or child or friend, will then inwardly recognize that you are different; they will sense your inner strength; they will have you as an example of a mature and unafraid person. You will be the genuinely spiritual person whom they hoped existed after all. You will be the one for whom they have been searching for all their lives, and the one who can really help them. All they have found up till now is someone who did something for them in expectation of getting something in return.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
With all that said, I have to say, I am in the good habit of not blindly taking in whatever comes to me. You are free to feel differently, but I am not concerned with the term spiritual. I also do think balance is a key component of my life. I'm not one to help 100% of the time without expecting something in return. It's a case by case basis, but realistically with where I am at in my life, I'm not going to do things unless I genuinely want to most of the time, and if I do something really nice for someone, appreciation would be nice. I don't buy into the whole selfless holy person thing. And don't get me started on "Karma", if you mention you're okay with not getting anything in return from someone because "Karma will come back to you".... that means you too are concerned about balance. Only difference is, my balance will be desired directly from the person I'm helping if I want it at all, not from some random perception of some invisible God determining my consequences down the road.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Closer Look at Cliché's: "Live in the Present"
There is this deep unconscious drive we all seem have, to "live correctly" and not make "mistakes". It seems to be at the center of every human being, and it makes sense. I think it is obvious that the drive of a person is to be good and do the best they can in life, (whatever that means to them) with some people being the inevitable exception of course, but the striking questions I've always instinctually had in the forefront of my mind are:
A year and a half ago, when I set out to save all this money to trade, and I worked so diligently and spent so little on things I didn't absolutely need... I was commended several times, being told that I was "working so hard".
I would tell people, "I'm only working so hard because I'm lazy". They didn't seem to understand, but it's the same tactic that the Yoga practitioners employ and the whole present-mindedness movement: People working real hard now, so to avoid the pain later. And there is some wisdom in that...
Problem is, they don't realize that's what they are doing.
A part of them want's relief from the reality of life so desperately, they actually believe that their practice is going to rid them of the misery for good. And that hope is turned into belief, because the smiling faces of everyone in the group, and the confident words of the leader become their proof... But those are often fronts and lies, because the people participating feel empty and are ashamed to show the true state in which they are in. They believe that they should be happy and filled with joy, so they must portray it to others. And if there's one thing I've observed in this life, it's that people who want to believe, will believe themselves to total destruction if that's what it takes. I've seen it in others, and myself.
The laziness thing... It's sort of a paradox because one could say I'm not lazy because I'm doing the work first instead of later... and there is a validity to that I suppose. Thing is, life, and our values, are up to us to determine. We'll... we have that option, but few seem to take the time to replace force-fed values with their own personal, genuine values. Especially when it comes to clichés, and that's why I like looking at them critically. They are things most of us are familiar with, so it may be easier to understand the discussion of them.
According to my own personal values, which I've spent many, many years of my life arriving at, I'd rather be actively lazy than passively lazy (most of the time). I wanna work hard now, because I want the option of being really lazy later if I choose to be. Is it lazier to be lazy now and do the work later? That's entirely up to you, and I think letting anyone make your mind for you about these things is potentially harmful. But since we're really talking about avoiding pain here...
The fact is, we must face our humanity at one point or another. In my experience, delaying that tends to make the inevitable confrontation more difficult than it would initially have been. But it's usually easier said than done and I am no exception.
Let's look at the zealous resistance of thoughts and living outside the present moment... In other posts I've expressed that we seem to naturally polarize every detail of our existence that we can, and I think this is no exception. It's been made black or white.
Lets very simply look at the statement "Live in the present moment".
Why?
"To live life with maximum lifeness of course! With maximum ...rightness... ??? I dunno, because someone said so?" (That's me mocking the true believer ;)
Just who is it that determined that living 100% present-minded is the absolute best thing you could do and should do? To be blunt, I don't care. I suppose another way of life: Balance and conscious choice.
[Reminder] It's rather easy for someone like me to sound contradictory in my expressions, as I am neither for nor against absolutes, but expressing my personal values can paint a different picture if one forgets that I know I am only expressing my opinion... [Onto the Opinion] I find it a bit ridiculous for a human to blindly accept assigned values for which they base all actions of their life upon, without examining them, yet, I consciously do some of those things myself. Yes, I consciously, blindly accept values, haha! I guess what matters in my book, is that I know I am making the sacrifice in critical thinking for certain things because the outcomes don't hold significant importance to me on those items. I think we all do this, but most only do this.
Who is going to be President? What is happening in the middle east? What is Oil going to do? I've consciously chosen that I don't care about those outcomes, and so I'm willing to let information into my brain and let it sit there and possibly form an opinion for me, because that opinion doesn't hold much sway in the experience of my day to day life. (Yes I can hear it now, about the President thing...)
To get back on track, what does thinking about the future hurt? Fanatics will tell you it hurts your ability to live in the moment where real life and fulfillment is. I think that's horse shit. If your desire is to be happy and fulfilled, and thinking about an event in the future or past brings you that, then who's to say you're not living your life correctly or to the fullest? I get it though, half of the problem is worrying about shit that happened, or hasn't happened yet. Well here's the thing purists, we live in the real world where regret and anxiety can help us learn things and make us "Better" humans. It's really all about balance. But you probably won't know what balance is, until you decide what you really want. That's one of the key steps man...
I imagine that the present minded movement was started by genuinely aware and intelligent beings, and like all other movements, got corrupted by people who don't understand things the way they were meant to be understood. It comes right back to "Principles vs Rules". The principle was probably "Be present minded so you're not worrying about things that you have no power to control or change" and the rule has become "You must be present minded all the time!". There's a huge difference between the two, and I think people who regurgitate present mindedness now usually have no idea what the point of it is.
And I'd like to reiterate: Don't let the point be determined for you. If I feel like shit and I know I need a distraction from the present moment, I have no problems thinking about the past or future if that's what is going to help shift me into the state I'd rather be in. There is a balance that can be had of necessity in the negative, which is entirely different than drowning in it, or attempting to avoid it outright. But you gotta know where you want to be, and totally avoiding the negative isn't going to help you.
In the end you could look at any way of being, as a crutch. My active laziness is an attempt to avoid a certain pain. Passive laziness the same. Hell, you could even say that to strive for balance is the avoidance of pain as well, and I would have to agree with you. But in the end if it truly is unavoidable, perhaps it's best for longevity's sake to learn how to accept it and live with it. The total avoidance of it is actually the spiritual equivalent of the Chinese finger trap. And the people professing a life without it are the salesmen, trapped in it themselves. Their fulfillment comes from the money they make off of selling it, and the smiling, lying faces they force themselves to believe are genuinely happy.
But no matter how much I say, the likelihood is that we will always have that crazy mechanism that just ceaselessly, obsessively seeks out happiness. I think a large part of that is the brains addiction to the chemicals released when we experience pleasure. We are literally, chemically addicted to pleasure, and in this age of instant gratification being the way of life, it is only natural to seek it out.
What seems unnatural these days, is to understand ourselves, and seek out the mechanisms that drive how and why we interact with our existence the way we do.
"What is best? and Why? What makes that the truth?" But I took those thoughts a step further, and rather than simply asking another for the answers, I did the work and kept trying to find the answers through my own experience.
They say you gotta live in the present moment. People implore each other by the masses. There are movements and groups dedicated to present mindedness, so much so, that being around can make you feel like they think it's some sort of sickness to consider anything outside of the current moment.
"You mustn't do that!!!"
I once spoke to a girl in her mid-twenties who was running her own Yoga studio. She had come to me with some inner problems she was having due to a catastrophic relationship failure that took her from total bliss to complete confusion and despair. The more I spoke to her the more clear it became that she was engaging in this Yoga discipline as a way to run away from the pain and fear that was overwhelming her. On a very real level she was in this aspect, a blind person leading the blind. I've seen this a few times in my life and it's pretty much the same template every time.
To cut through the bullshit, here is what's really happening. People aren't trying to be present minded at all. It's not about living life to the fullest, because if it were, that fullness would include the discomfort and negativity as well.
The real goal these people have, is to get rid of the pain of life, and they refuse to look at the fact that not only must it exist, they must go through it, and they will go through it, no matter what. The balance of life demands it. What they really want then out of a "full life", is a life as full of as much bliss and happiness as they can extract.
A year and a half ago, when I set out to save all this money to trade, and I worked so diligently and spent so little on things I didn't absolutely need... I was commended several times, being told that I was "working so hard".
I would tell people, "I'm only working so hard because I'm lazy". They didn't seem to understand, but it's the same tactic that the Yoga practitioners employ and the whole present-mindedness movement: People working real hard now, so to avoid the pain later. And there is some wisdom in that...
Problem is, they don't realize that's what they are doing.
A part of them want's relief from the reality of life so desperately, they actually believe that their practice is going to rid them of the misery for good. And that hope is turned into belief, because the smiling faces of everyone in the group, and the confident words of the leader become their proof... But those are often fronts and lies, because the people participating feel empty and are ashamed to show the true state in which they are in. They believe that they should be happy and filled with joy, so they must portray it to others. And if there's one thing I've observed in this life, it's that people who want to believe, will believe themselves to total destruction if that's what it takes. I've seen it in others, and myself.
The laziness thing... It's sort of a paradox because one could say I'm not lazy because I'm doing the work first instead of later... and there is a validity to that I suppose. Thing is, life, and our values, are up to us to determine. We'll... we have that option, but few seem to take the time to replace force-fed values with their own personal, genuine values. Especially when it comes to clichés, and that's why I like looking at them critically. They are things most of us are familiar with, so it may be easier to understand the discussion of them.
According to my own personal values, which I've spent many, many years of my life arriving at, I'd rather be actively lazy than passively lazy (most of the time). I wanna work hard now, because I want the option of being really lazy later if I choose to be. Is it lazier to be lazy now and do the work later? That's entirely up to you, and I think letting anyone make your mind for you about these things is potentially harmful. But since we're really talking about avoiding pain here...
The fact is, we must face our humanity at one point or another. In my experience, delaying that tends to make the inevitable confrontation more difficult than it would initially have been. But it's usually easier said than done and I am no exception.
Let's look at the zealous resistance of thoughts and living outside the present moment... In other posts I've expressed that we seem to naturally polarize every detail of our existence that we can, and I think this is no exception. It's been made black or white.
Lets very simply look at the statement "Live in the present moment".
Why?
"To live life with maximum lifeness of course! With maximum ...rightness... ??? I dunno, because someone said so?" (That's me mocking the true believer ;)
Just who is it that determined that living 100% present-minded is the absolute best thing you could do and should do? To be blunt, I don't care. I suppose another way of life: Balance and conscious choice.
[Reminder] It's rather easy for someone like me to sound contradictory in my expressions, as I am neither for nor against absolutes, but expressing my personal values can paint a different picture if one forgets that I know I am only expressing my opinion... [Onto the Opinion] I find it a bit ridiculous for a human to blindly accept assigned values for which they base all actions of their life upon, without examining them, yet, I consciously do some of those things myself. Yes, I consciously, blindly accept values, haha! I guess what matters in my book, is that I know I am making the sacrifice in critical thinking for certain things because the outcomes don't hold significant importance to me on those items. I think we all do this, but most only do this.
Who is going to be President? What is happening in the middle east? What is Oil going to do? I've consciously chosen that I don't care about those outcomes, and so I'm willing to let information into my brain and let it sit there and possibly form an opinion for me, because that opinion doesn't hold much sway in the experience of my day to day life. (Yes I can hear it now, about the President thing...)
To get back on track, what does thinking about the future hurt? Fanatics will tell you it hurts your ability to live in the moment where real life and fulfillment is. I think that's horse shit. If your desire is to be happy and fulfilled, and thinking about an event in the future or past brings you that, then who's to say you're not living your life correctly or to the fullest? I get it though, half of the problem is worrying about shit that happened, or hasn't happened yet. Well here's the thing purists, we live in the real world where regret and anxiety can help us learn things and make us "Better" humans. It's really all about balance. But you probably won't know what balance is, until you decide what you really want. That's one of the key steps man...
I imagine that the present minded movement was started by genuinely aware and intelligent beings, and like all other movements, got corrupted by people who don't understand things the way they were meant to be understood. It comes right back to "Principles vs Rules". The principle was probably "Be present minded so you're not worrying about things that you have no power to control or change" and the rule has become "You must be present minded all the time!". There's a huge difference between the two, and I think people who regurgitate present mindedness now usually have no idea what the point of it is.
And I'd like to reiterate: Don't let the point be determined for you. If I feel like shit and I know I need a distraction from the present moment, I have no problems thinking about the past or future if that's what is going to help shift me into the state I'd rather be in. There is a balance that can be had of necessity in the negative, which is entirely different than drowning in it, or attempting to avoid it outright. But you gotta know where you want to be, and totally avoiding the negative isn't going to help you.
In the end you could look at any way of being, as a crutch. My active laziness is an attempt to avoid a certain pain. Passive laziness the same. Hell, you could even say that to strive for balance is the avoidance of pain as well, and I would have to agree with you. But in the end if it truly is unavoidable, perhaps it's best for longevity's sake to learn how to accept it and live with it. The total avoidance of it is actually the spiritual equivalent of the Chinese finger trap. And the people professing a life without it are the salesmen, trapped in it themselves. Their fulfillment comes from the money they make off of selling it, and the smiling, lying faces they force themselves to believe are genuinely happy.
But no matter how much I say, the likelihood is that we will always have that crazy mechanism that just ceaselessly, obsessively seeks out happiness. I think a large part of that is the brains addiction to the chemicals released when we experience pleasure. We are literally, chemically addicted to pleasure, and in this age of instant gratification being the way of life, it is only natural to seek it out.
What seems unnatural these days, is to understand ourselves, and seek out the mechanisms that drive how and why we interact with our existence the way we do.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Aggravation: TradeStation No longer a Forex Platform!
Woke up this morning to an email from TradeStation that very vaguely said they were transferring all accounts of over to Oanda and you would now have to use their Shitty, non-automated platform instead, but you could still use the TradeStation platform for FREE (OH YAYYYY!!!) Forever on SIM... Who cares!
So, to find out exactly what that meant I decided to get a hold of their live chat people... Turns out for whatever reason, come March 1st TradeStation will no longer be servicing Forex accounts PERIOD. Oanda is taking over the roughly 2000 accounts, which is way less than I thought they would have.
I've emailed the creator of the robots to find out what his solution is and he says he's got the robots already made for MetaTrader 4 and he is testing them to find out if they are exactly the same now...
After having taken as long as I have to get used to TradeStation, I really love it. It just feels like a well crafted machine with lots of useful bells and whistles... At least with TradeStation I know I have the option of getting email alerts and having it actually work....
This has been a ridiculously long and frustrating experience... From taking months to actually get the details to these robots, to actually purchasing them, to getting them running correctly (Thanks to an error made by the seller), to testing them on sim and realizing there are problems... to finally being ready to put a real $20,000 account to use.... and finding out that literally the month I want to go live with them, the platform they are created for won't be usable anymore...
Here is Scott's video update. Good news either way.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Feb Updates
Finally have the bike fixed up. I took some time today to polish the head light, clean the exhaust pipe and repaint some things that needed painted. On top of that, while I was fixing the bike out in a parking spot in front of the apartment, out of nowhere a red pickup truck with an older bearded guy pulled up and handed me a business card and told me "If you ever need any work done I work on sport bikes."
I thought to myself "What the hell is this guy doing here??"
Well, turns out he lives in this complex and was told he can no longer work on his bike on the complex property because he leaves a mess... My maintenance guy came running up telling me that this guy video taped me working on the bike and sent it in to the office. What an asshole. I always clean up after myself, and this lazy person who doesn't has to ruin it for me. Either way, if I want to wash my bike, I'm gonna do it. If I need work done on my bike, I'm going to do it...
As far as the trading goes, I have started running the portfolio on my high performance rig at the same time and have noticed that my older computer has internet problems that my rig doesn't have. I will probably be switching over to just this rig for trading the portfolio. Possibly spending some money to have a newer dedicated rig just for the trading portfolio... but we'll see. After expenses and everything in the last 7 months, I've got about $21,000 total to trade with. Spending on dental crap and all that necessities I have turned out to be more expensive than I wanted. There is a truck wash in town that is hiring between $12.50-$15.00/hr. That would easily enable me to put consistent capital into the business. That's all for now.
I thought to myself "What the hell is this guy doing here??"
Well, turns out he lives in this complex and was told he can no longer work on his bike on the complex property because he leaves a mess... My maintenance guy came running up telling me that this guy video taped me working on the bike and sent it in to the office. What an asshole. I always clean up after myself, and this lazy person who doesn't has to ruin it for me. Either way, if I want to wash my bike, I'm gonna do it. If I need work done on my bike, I'm going to do it...
As far as the trading goes, I have started running the portfolio on my high performance rig at the same time and have noticed that my older computer has internet problems that my rig doesn't have. I will probably be switching over to just this rig for trading the portfolio. Possibly spending some money to have a newer dedicated rig just for the trading portfolio... but we'll see. After expenses and everything in the last 7 months, I've got about $21,000 total to trade with. Spending on dental crap and all that necessities I have turned out to be more expensive than I wanted. There is a truck wash in town that is hiring between $12.50-$15.00/hr. That would easily enable me to put consistent capital into the business. That's all for now.
Monday, February 8, 2016
First Update On Robotic Trading Portfolio
I started with no experience on the Tradestation platform and came across a few hiccups during my month of learning, which cost my simulated account a substantial negative impact.
I started with $10,000 and ended the month down $242.33 to finish at $9757.67
Now, that's only a 2.4% loss for the month, which is't bad at all really, but when compared to the results that it should have been, the discrepancy is a little unsettling.
If you look at the far right totals for both the real and reported month end, you'll see that the strategy that was actually running produced a profit of $42.69 while the backtest result (performed at the end of the month) reported a $36.92 loss.
How did the actual performance have me losing $242.33 when the live running strategy actually reported a $42.69 gain? Let me introduce you to TradeStation's quirks.
For whatever reason (perhaps the performance capabilities of the computer I'm running things on, mixed with internet instability) at one point the strategy was giving trade signals that the platform was not executing... So that generates trades on the chart that never happen in real life. There were also problems that kept the strategy from generating trades that it should have as well. Those are the two reasons for the discrepancies.
One quirk I have noticed on my dedicated desktop is that when I load up TradeStation portfolio, there are almost always problems with the strategies initializing. I will have indicators not load on the chart, so I will have to disable and re-enable them before the platform recognizes the Robot. This problem has not cropped up on my more powerful desktop in the office, but I use that for many other things (Such as testing) and don't want to run the portfolio on that machine.
I do have a handy method in place for helping me keep track of the platforms performance. I have text messages setup to tell me when the strategy fills an order, and I know to expect another text immediately that says TradeStation filled the order as well. If I don't get that text, something is wrong and I need to go check the platform.
Anyways, my present conclusion is that the robots do perform as described and advertised in execution terms, give or take a few dollars here and there. I will more than likely be running these robots on a small live account soon with 10 times smaller positions just to see if live money execution is drastically different than simulated positions.
In the mean time, I have also decided to optimize these robots in accordance to the previous 5 years of market conditions. These robots were developed from roughly 2003 to 2007 to perform in this time period. I'd like to optimize them for the last 5 years and see how they do in earlier years.
I can understand ones apprehension to fiddle with something that works, but I think a lot of that has to do with a lack of confidence or ability in ones own mind. These robots do very simple things: They use Moving averages to determine trend, and then use Relative Strength of the current market to identify a good time to enter and sometimes exit. There are many useful variables in the programming to take advantage of, but my point is they arrived at their current profitability through the same work I am going to be doing to modernize them for the current time period:
Hours and hours of testing and paying close attention to the response of inputs tested. So far I have about 4 of the robots producing more profit with the same or less drawdown. It's something I will continue to work on for a very long time and perhaps as long as I am a robotic trader. I love data, and this beats manual testing any day.
As far as my non-trading life goes, I am now rocking a pink cast which will be removed in 6 weeks, No surgery required thankfully. My new tail section is arriving on the 10th and I'm dying to get back on the bike. I'll have to rig my cast up somehow to make sure it will not slip off the right peg. My new left side peg is here and ready to be installed. I'm going to the cinema-pub for valentines day to watch Zoolander 2! I will be back in the gym rocking it very very soon! Turns out the bus isn't so bad at all :)
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