The Greatest Start The New Year

I just had the single most amazing experience of my entire life. Ever.

I usually wake up several times a night to go pee. So last night was no exception. I had two alcoholic drinks hours before bed and I had two egg, sausage, and cheese burritos with some mayo I had made. They were incredibly good tasting.

So I got up to go pee in the night and as I was coming back to bed I made sure to not open my eyes so that I would remain in a sleepy mood. As I laid there in bed feeling tired but unable to drift off, I thought about coming out here to my computer to continue trying to solve an issue I have had with the Robots not working properly. Two ideas came into my head about what might be wrong, but I told myself to try and remember them and sleep instead, because as I held up my watch in the glow from the bedroom window the time was only 3:30 am.

Then as I drifted off to sleep it happened....

I remember sitting down on the toilet looking under the sink to my left at a white tile floor. The tiles were about an inch square and glossy. The grout was white. The sink was attached to the wall and was free floating, like the sinks in a gas station bathroom. You could see the shiny steel drain pipe coming down and going into the wall.

As I was looking down I saw my wife's feet walk in and stand near the sink and start talking. I never looked up, because I was kinda zoned out staring off and only half listening. Everyone does that from time to time. All of a sudden I noticed a light yellow scorpion next to her foot with its tail raised up and I shouted "Oh my god there's a fucking scorpion next to your foot watchout!"

She screamed and moved back, and then I noticed another scorpion about a foot away from the other one, between me and the first scorpion. I utter shock I yelled out "Holy shit there's two of them?!?! What the fuck!?!?!"

And then there were more and more of them and then it hit me. I said out loud "This can't be real, this is impossible!! I must be dreaming, this has to be a dream!!"

As soon as I realized that, I started saying "Wake up, wake up!!". It was the craziest thing I've ever felt. I could feel my body sleeping in the bed. I could feel me moving it from inside the dream. The louder I yelled, the more I could feel my sleeping body struggle to make the sounds and movements in real life.

At this point of feeling my sleeping body, I thought to myself "Ok, I have to scream as loud as I can, and maybe I can wake up or make a noise in real life." I knew my wife was sleeping next to me and I wanted to make a noise that would wake her up.

I screamed as loud and as long as I could, and I could feel the pressure of my sleeping body plateau. It's like when your hand falls asleep and you are waking it up but your grip is only so strong no matter how hard you try to grasp something.

I realized that I wasn't waking up, and then I realized something else.

"Wait, I'm dreaming, I can just change what's happening!" So I did. The details are fading quickly, but I know I decided to fly. I was flying around a city during the sunset. It felt like Chicago. As I was flying I could feel the negative G-forces in my gut as I was descending. I wasn't flying like superman, I was kind of upright. So as I was descending it was like the feeling of standing in an elevator but stronger. I landed and was walking around the city and I had a thought. I said to myself "I'll be I can look at someone in the face and because this is a dream I won't be able to focus real close on their face and see the details."

So I walked up to a lady on the street and grabbed her by the shoulders. She was a lady in her forties with short hair and a slightly tanned face. As I turned her toward me I looked her right in the eyes and studied her face. Sure enough I could see detail. I was amazed. I think her face had changed soon after that, but I didn't really notice. The entire thing was so fluid, that I never noticed the changing locations.

At this point I was like, "Hey, I'm going to try having sex. I always wake up during the sex and I never get to finish." So I stripped her down and we started having sex. It felt really great. It felt real. The strangest feeling began to come over me though as I was nearing orgasm. I began to feel like I had to poop, but a very specific poop. Not the kind where you feel the emergency, full bowel type of sensation, but one as if you'd just went and there was that tiny bit left that you couldn't get out and was sitting right at the end being stubborn.

As I was having sex with this woman I had began to remember that the night before I had a super realistic dream about having sex, but I hadn't finished. I kinda chuckled.

Anyways, as I focused on that strange feeling I was having I began to theorize that it was my sleeping body tensing up and reacting to the dream. It honestly felt like my prostate was pulsing and that I was having an actual orgasm in my sleeping body.

After I had sex with this person I suddenly had the urge to fly to outer space and travel towards the sun, so thats where I started heading. I had only made it probably a few hundred feet off the ground when I began to realize that it would take me forever to get there. It never crossed my mind that I could just fly faster, and so I decided to come back and fly home, which was represented by some apartment I had seen in a video game. Anyways, when I got back home I remember standing in the living room and feeling hot. There was an industrial sized fan on just sitting there circulating the hot air and I was uncomfortable. At this point the thought had come to me, and I don't know why, but it was a realization that I could essentially recreate in this dream, any sensation that has occurred to me in real life.

With that thought, I pointed my hands in a quick burst at the Fan while shouting "Cold air!" and then the fans started blowing out thick chilly air. It was fucking amazing. It was all as real to me as the reality you are sitting in right this moment reading this.

Strangely, after having sex and flying around... I felt this deep understanding that I was somehow out of ideas and for a lack of a better term, bored. I remember at one point early on that I had felt a fear of the potential for things to get really scary, but I quickly comforted myself by declaring that it was a dream and all I had to do was change it.

The last thing I did was sit down on the floor next to the industrial fan. I had my arms around my knees and I was just looking out from several floors up at the sunsetting city. Somehow the apartment had a gaping open terrace that I didn't feel the need to question.

I was filled this gratitude. Several years ago I had the most impactful experience of "suchness" and understanding, and it changed my life forever. I was aware of the magnitude of that moment and knew that it had not been diminished in any way at all. It was the core of all my life and experience. But this moment.... This was the most amazing experience as a being I have ever had in my life. I knew the difference between the two. I was overwhelmed with gratitude looking out over the city and then my eyes began to trace the floor back to my body and I was simply looking down near my feet. I began to cry tears of both Joy and sadness. I felt so blessed to have experienced this, and so sad that I could not directly translate this experience to my wife, who I knew was sleeping just next to me.

With that state of mind, I told myself it was time to wake up. I actually was pretty sure I wasn't going to wake up, but I began to watch the shift take place. As I was sleeping body was waking up I rolled from my side over onto my back.

The thing is, the dream was so real that I never felt like I transitioned from sleeping to waking. It was like watching a movie where someone floats back to their bed in one uncut angle.

I don't know what to say.

It was a perspective changer for sure.

As I rolled over and looked at my wife she was slightly awake and I told her all about it. At that point I was still filled with deep deep emotion.

I told her it was just like the matrix. Thats the best I could describe it. It was so powerful that I can't imagine any waking experience on any drug being the same. I think you need to lose consciousness in order to free your brain and embrace the possibilities. I think there is too much distraction in a waking state with your eyes open. If this is the DMT experience, I want to go back.

Strangely enough as I was describing the experience, as amazing as it was, I can't imagine what I would do in the next one. It's like having a game genie on life.

So now here I am. Wondering how the fuck it happened. What triggered it out of all the nights in my 32 years of life. Why now? Why didn't I wake up when I screamed and tried to? Why did I wake up immediately the only other brief time I realized I was dreaming in this one dream years ago, and wanted to stay? I had never gotten to do anything but realize I was in a dream that one time.

More importantly, what does this show me, or mean about my "Real life"?

I don't know that yet. I think I've no choice but to linger in these thoughts and feelings for awhile.

Perspective is just that. Perspective.

*UPDATE*

The very next night I had another Lucid dream in which I was in control and knew it was a dream. This one was very slippery though and I had to keep reminding myself I could control it. It's been too long since then so I don't recall the dream, but it amazed me that I had another one. In the dream I said "Am I dreaming?" as I do in waking life to train myself to say it in the dream, and sure enough I was dreaming haha! 

I've come to realize I don't think I'd like having these kind of dreams frequently. I think I would run into trouble knowing what to do with all the freedom and knowing there isn't a real person there to enjoy it with. It might be too much work to be experiencing all the time.