What You Call Depression I Call Truth

An excellent article from VICE.com. My comments to the writer are below.

http://www.vice.com/read/what-you-call-depression-i-call-the-truth-309?utm_source=vicefbus


PLEASE PLEASE read what I am about to say. First of all, everything you have said I have been through or am going through constantly. There is far too much to say about it in a facebook post, but if you message me we can chat about it. This will not sum it up, but I do have this to say. First of all if you aren't going to read this, go buy Jed Mckenna's "Spiritual enlightenment trilogy". It will explain very well what you are going through and that it is natural. 

I have long held the concept that everything is relative, and that there is no proof (truth), there is only perspective (personal truth). I think depression is simply awareness of a specific perspective, and that the pain involved with it is due (initially) to the unfamiliarity of the situation, and then the dissonance between what our ideals are and what the "Truth" is. Many people's initial reaction is even further depression because what they are seeing and coming to understand, also destroys the meaning in all the things they held so dear for so long. It is important to understand that discovering the things you discovering, does not invalidate the meaning and purpose you formerly held in them, UNLESS you allow it. What's really happening is that your perception is being expanded to include new information. It is natural to be afraid when you feel worthless and that it was and is all pointless. The problem is, most of us know the words "Worthless" and "pointless" as negatives, but think about it this way: In a universe of truly relative values, regardless of contextual worth, all things are ultimately worthless, or, unable to be accurately valued in an absolute way. And that is just fine. If you are the center or your universe because you are the one in context experiencing everything, it is up to you to choose your value system consciously, all the while knowing on a deeper level, that all the choices you've make still add up to the same unquantifiable sum. Try to get past the need for something to have a "point" beyond your personal context. If you cannot get over that need your mind will slip into a feedback loop furthering depression until that feedback loop is broken. This is what I call "Distraction" and it is the ONLY cure for awareness :) 

Look back on your life and you will realize that the only times you have ever been happy where when you were distracted from the things that burden you. Don't judge yourself negatively for being distracted, distraction is an incredible tool in conjunction with the mindset of balance. Just because you felt happiness through distraction does not invalidate it in anyway. In fact, think of it this way, when you are depressed because you are focused on depressing "Truths" realize that you are simply distracted from the "illusions" that made you happy and are simply focusing on the "illusions" that make you sad. If it's all relative, all values are illusory. It's distraction either way, so if you are going to convince yourself that the happiness you felt while distracted was meaningless, it's only fair to view your sadness and depressive moments the same way. 

An Endless bottom could very well be the truth, and I understand how you wonder why people aren't talking about those things instead of the bullshit they do talk about. This may sound ridiculous, but as a person who has been through this for 16 years now, I can tell you from my experience that once you become familiar with it on a certain level, you might find yourself feeling like that is bullshit as well. Not as in "not true" kinda bullshit, but as in its a worn out discussion for you. Anyways I better stop here. If you have any questions please contact me. 

One thought I'd like to leave you with is this: If the truth is that none of this matters in the way you and I are constantly told it does, and it's all bullshit and we are all heading towards the same unknown... Perhaps it is only meaningless if you decide it to be. Perhaps you are now free from the bullshit to decide what parts of the bullshit will mean something to you, on your own, without being told what they should mean for you.

Photo Fun

I recently purchased a reverse macro lens adapter for my camera. This basically allows you to turn your lens around and use if for macro photography instead of having to go spend $400 on a macro lens. It has it's drawbacks but for now I'll take a $7 adapter :) Here are some photos I've taken since then.

My eye

The sub-pixels on my 3D TV

The sub-pixels on my regular TV

 An Ant that would not sit still...

 The Butt part of a tiny wasp

 The head part of that same wasp thingy... The picture is so grainy because of the high ISO setting in was using. reverse macro requires and insane amount of light so ISO compensates...

Have you ever seen those little red dots moving on a rock before? Well, this is one of them. I really should have gotten a perspective picture with my thumb close by for reference... This thing probably half a millimeter long.







Here are some other random photos I've taken that I am sure I have not shared with you.

Trade Update and completion

The other day I saw that the EUR/USD was near resistance from mid February and reversing, so I took a position short and placed my stop above the highs for a quick stop out if I was wrong. Currently sitting @ +200 pips. I've moved my stop to break even plus a few pips. If this trade were larger I would probably just take a part of the position off for a little profit, but it's rather small so it will either hit my take profit or stop me out at break even. Here is the chart.

By the way I have also found a rather sweet website for free advanced charts. It's kinda like the facebook of Trading. Very cool, check out Tradingview.com and see what I'm talking about!

UPDATE 5.20.2015

I looked at the chart and was like "Well, what's a little bit more profit really going to benefit me in contrast to risking no profit at all? Technically the floor was hit and I didn't set my profit target according to the more recent area." So I took profits. Never mind the box on the left chart, that was just for me to see how price behaved around the zone. Could have had a few martingale winners.

UPDATE 5.21.2015

Initial target was hit. The orange rectangles are from a new tool I found last night that allow you to draw zones and get alerts when price is near them. May come in handy so I'm trying it out.

Best Podcast

I have listened to every Joe Rogan podcast for the last few years and this has been one of the best ones yet in terms of the way ideas are brought to light in our social context. The egoic games we play are made clear here for current times. I found it very entertaining and the time flew by...

LISTEN HERE

Quick trading update

Took a few trades while back . been too lazy to report on them but here they are. hopefully it is clear to understand. any questions just ask .

Thoughts on Balance

thoughts.

one human mind does not have the capacity to see from all perspectives of all situations, and so I think that is why it is important for people who desire to think critically, engage themselves in the opinions and perspectives of others. I think there is a decreasing amount of effectiveness as you gain more experience in life though. I think you may gain the ability to develop those perspectives on your own naturally through the growth and implementation of certain foundational views.

I've heard throughout my life phrases similar to "you must enjoy every second of your life as best you can, because life is short and you never know what tomorrow brings." At this very moment I find myself unsure of how much I agree or disagree with that. I have lived a life so far like many people; full of both amazing and horrible things, And in this moment all I can say is that neither one of those extremes has me feeling that if my life ended tomorrow it would have made any difference.

I'm not speaking circumstantially, as obviously each event in my life has led me to where I am and was obviously necessary. what I'm instead speaking about is the fact that when we are in pleasure, it eventually fades away, as does the pain. for me the pain or pleasure is completely gone until I for some reason think about it. And the memory of it is never nearly equal to what the actual experience was. has any of it made a giant difference? would a part of me feel incomplete for having not done any of these things? I think; not if I don't think about them. 

And that's the tricky thing about human nature, when we focus on what we don't have and want so desperately it can fill us with an agonizing pain about not having it.

when I got arrested a year and a half ago and thrown in jail for a bullshit "Crime", I wanted my freedom so bad... I swore I would never go back to a place like that. but as of today, as of this moment I have to put a real effort into it to bring myself even remotely close to that level of pain that I felt. I remember it vividly, and the lesson is still there, but the intensity is so far removed I just have to trust the intensity that instilled the lesson to begin with.  I find the same thing goes with a lot of happy moments in my life as well. and on that note I also noticed that a lot of happy moments, when thought of make me feel pretty shitty that those aren't happening right now. so what I'm getting at is that I think general human nature is to just be displeased and constantly compare and desire more than what we have. maybe not all the time, but most of the time. I've come to the strong conviction that being consumed by the present moment is the only way we really feel contentment.

obviously if my life ends tomorrow, there won't be a me to regret having done or not done anything, so that age old cliché is inherently speaking about someone who is alive. life is a paradox. In one instance we can be doing something awesome, yet feel negative during that because we are focusing on something we want and don't have. and in another instance we can be doing something we dread, but feel grateful at the same time because we're focused on how the situation could be much worse. I really have come to feel that there is no such thing as balance, but an infinite fractal of shifting forces. balance is merely a momentary snapshot in a specific point along the struggle of forces of this dynamic universe. balance with one area inherently means imbalance in others. Perhaps for every balanced thing we perceive, the force is simply going to a fulcrum which may be beyond our perception.

perhaps harmony is merely a temporary adaptation which forces those stresses onto other systems. in our human psyche, adaptation is in learning lessons through pain and pleasure. and as that balance lasts longer and longer the lessons fade and therefore we tend to automatically shift back into imbalance. Anything that is not constantly reinforcing the lesson is allowing it to recede.

I had in mind a graphic, but I am too lazy at the moment to draw it up. Imagine your typical see-saw, with the triangular fulcrum in the middle, all pointy and exact. A level see-saw indicates balance of forces on lateral sides, but all the pressure is on that tiny fulcrum. That tiny point represents a narrow range of things that bring you happiness and stability. It does not provide much room for shifting forces, but if you increase the things that you can count on for contentment, the fulcrum widens and is supports balance much easier. Instead of a triangle it starts to flatten out like a supportive square. 

On the outside, all my interests seem like they would be a wide plateau for balance to exist. Take away a few of them and I should be fine.. and in all honesty, those things have little to do with my happiness.. The issue with me, is that those things are mostly illusory in their effect of balance. What balances me are things like connection and interaction with loved ones. Discovery of people... But most of all, a sense of security in the future. A sense of freedom. If any of those things are taken away, my balance crumbles.

I guess the inspiration for this introspection in itself is because I have fallen out of harmony for the time being. I can certainly say I'm not happy with my perceptions and I don't really find solace right now in the wonderful things I have experienced in life.

I feel like maybe I can only slightly smile as the box for those things has been checked off. but once again only when I think about them.