Thoughts on Balance

thoughts.

one human mind does not have the capacity to see from all perspectives of all situations, and so I think that is why it is important for people who desire to think critically, engage themselves in the opinions and perspectives of others. I think there is a decreasing amount of effectiveness as you gain more experience in life though. I think you may gain the ability to develop those perspectives on your own naturally through the growth and implementation of certain foundational views.

I've heard throughout my life phrases similar to "you must enjoy every second of your life as best you can, because life is short and you never know what tomorrow brings." At this very moment I find myself unsure of how much I agree or disagree with that. I have lived a life so far like many people; full of both amazing and horrible things, And in this moment all I can say is that neither one of those extremes has me feeling that if my life ended tomorrow it would have made any difference.

I'm not speaking circumstantially, as obviously each event in my life has led me to where I am and was obviously necessary. what I'm instead speaking about is the fact that when we are in pleasure, it eventually fades away, as does the pain. for me the pain or pleasure is completely gone until I for some reason think about it. And the memory of it is never nearly equal to what the actual experience was. has any of it made a giant difference? would a part of me feel incomplete for having not done any of these things? I think; not if I don't think about them. 

And that's the tricky thing about human nature, when we focus on what we don't have and want so desperately it can fill us with an agonizing pain about not having it.

when I got arrested a year and a half ago and thrown in jail for a bullshit "Crime", I wanted my freedom so bad... I swore I would never go back to a place like that. but as of today, as of this moment I have to put a real effort into it to bring myself even remotely close to that level of pain that I felt. I remember it vividly, and the lesson is still there, but the intensity is so far removed I just have to trust the intensity that instilled the lesson to begin with.  I find the same thing goes with a lot of happy moments in my life as well. and on that note I also noticed that a lot of happy moments, when thought of make me feel pretty shitty that those aren't happening right now. so what I'm getting at is that I think general human nature is to just be displeased and constantly compare and desire more than what we have. maybe not all the time, but most of the time. I've come to the strong conviction that being consumed by the present moment is the only way we really feel contentment.

obviously if my life ends tomorrow, there won't be a me to regret having done or not done anything, so that age old cliché is inherently speaking about someone who is alive. life is a paradox. In one instance we can be doing something awesome, yet feel negative during that because we are focusing on something we want and don't have. and in another instance we can be doing something we dread, but feel grateful at the same time because we're focused on how the situation could be much worse. I really have come to feel that there is no such thing as balance, but an infinite fractal of shifting forces. balance is merely a momentary snapshot in a specific point along the struggle of forces of this dynamic universe. balance with one area inherently means imbalance in others. Perhaps for every balanced thing we perceive, the force is simply going to a fulcrum which may be beyond our perception.

perhaps harmony is merely a temporary adaptation which forces those stresses onto other systems. in our human psyche, adaptation is in learning lessons through pain and pleasure. and as that balance lasts longer and longer the lessons fade and therefore we tend to automatically shift back into imbalance. Anything that is not constantly reinforcing the lesson is allowing it to recede.

I had in mind a graphic, but I am too lazy at the moment to draw it up. Imagine your typical see-saw, with the triangular fulcrum in the middle, all pointy and exact. A level see-saw indicates balance of forces on lateral sides, but all the pressure is on that tiny fulcrum. That tiny point represents a narrow range of things that bring you happiness and stability. It does not provide much room for shifting forces, but if you increase the things that you can count on for contentment, the fulcrum widens and is supports balance much easier. Instead of a triangle it starts to flatten out like a supportive square. 

On the outside, all my interests seem like they would be a wide plateau for balance to exist. Take away a few of them and I should be fine.. and in all honesty, those things have little to do with my happiness.. The issue with me, is that those things are mostly illusory in their effect of balance. What balances me are things like connection and interaction with loved ones. Discovery of people... But most of all, a sense of security in the future. A sense of freedom. If any of those things are taken away, my balance crumbles.

I guess the inspiration for this introspection in itself is because I have fallen out of harmony for the time being. I can certainly say I'm not happy with my perceptions and I don't really find solace right now in the wonderful things I have experienced in life.

I feel like maybe I can only slightly smile as the box for those things has been checked off. but once again only when I think about them.