Another silent moment.

I said so long ago, that the lessons come to fast to put them into words anymore.

It is striking how often the moments come in which I have no outlet to express them. I'm in the middle of driving, sitting on the toilet, face to face in a conversation that has nothing to do with it directly. It's like the animal of inspiration vanishes at the most opportune times and when I finally sit, I am left with nothing.

I am now the adopted son of someone very close to me.
I am now the holder of enough profits to finally trade orange juice the way I want to.
I am so attached to my wife that I can barely stand not to be in her physical presence most of the time.

I spoke to my neighbor the other night as we sat around a fire camping on Antelope island. As we spoke, of specifics I now forget, the general gist of what I recall is that same reminder if frequently forget about in my subconscious hopes that it isn't true. Delusion is a strong and abiding mother fucker. We got on about how my incident with nearly dying affected me, and rolled into him dying by drowning once. The core display that he, and nearly everyone displays, is that no matter what the experience is, they assign it unverified meaning from some sort of higher thing, instead of really looking back at it an admitting they just don't really know.

As I questioned his designations of meaning to these events in his life, I saw the same thing I always see. Don't fuck with someones unverified values, because they are scared as fuck of seeing that they don't hold any real value in the way they prescribe them to. I quickly saw this in my questioning and retreated back to safer, "friendly neighbor out camping together" territory.

I have so much to say, but it's not here right now.