Restless

I can't sleep...

I've been nearly going crazy since the accident. I have to get better. I have to get back on my bike. I have to get out of this house and get a job. I have to finally get started with my Robotic Trading career with real money. Not to mention, My marriage is in trouble, but that's a long story that I'm not sure I'm going to explain any time soon, or at all.

March 11th was supposed to be my next appointment to go to the orthopedic place to have my heel looked at. They called the day before to tell me I had been bumped because they had an unforeseen surgery with someone and wouldn't be able to fit me in. Now the 18th is the reschedule... hopefully some good news, although at this point I can tell the bone is still open, because it swells when I let it down. It still hurts in a way that is obviously still broken. The plus side of no surgery is no added medical bills, the downside... a hell of a large gap for my bone to try and close up...

I'm still doing as much as I can that I was before. I'm still cleaning and organizing the house, doing laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, and actually driving to the store to grocery shop... all either on my hands and knees with the assistance of a backpack, or on crutches with awkwardly imbalanced weight on one side or the other.

My lack of mobility is seriously prison like, especially because I am not "Allowed" to ride the bike... But it's getting to that point where I'm going to start saying fuck it. I've already ridden it last month to go get it registered for the year and to go visit a friend in the nick of time... It's a hell of a lot easier than driving a manual transmission car....

I don't know what to say...

Well, I do have one thing to say: I'm still going to the gym consistently and eating healthy. I've fought hard to maintain my weight since the accident, I'm down only 3 lbs. Today has to be the 4th or 5th time someone has taken the time to tell me my work ethic at the gym in spite of my injury was "Inspiring". That made my day. I always work harder than anyone I see there. I push hard, but I know if there was a gun to my head to get a few more reps out I could muster it.

Did I ever mention I had the fucking "lunk alarm" go off on me for "Grunting" ?!?! Planet fitness is not a place that really wants you to kick ass and work hard unfortunately, they want to make money more than anything... And I understand that because they are a business, but they appeal to the lazy people who are never going to get anywhere, it brings in the most business... Hell... I can't believe they actually give out free pizza there...

Anyways, I worked my ass off as I usually do, but today I worked Triceps and Pecs really hard. It's the only time I leave the house... It's been so nice and sunny out these last few weeks (with a few exceptions) and I just can't crutch it everywhere... Pretty soon I'll be seeing baby ducklings running around :) That's always a treat.

A lot of difficult changes happening in my life soon it seems... I'll keep you posted.