Same old shit

I'm so sick of my life and how busy I am.

I am in this fucking torment and I hate it. I don't have enough time to do any one thing I want to do thoroughly. I can't stretch worth a shit. I can't trade for shit. I can't focus. I can't workout well. I can't decide what to do with my free time, and I don't want to be social either. I can't handle my emotions in the midst of knowing all of this. I am becoming a bitter asshole again because I am working too much and at the same time not hard enough to get the fuck out of my shit situation.

I do not want to have poor health, but I wake up and forget to exercise and stretch after, and when I do, it's shit. I get nowhere with it. Before I know it it's 10am and the thought of having to go to work soon scratches at the back of my mind.

We just signed up for a gym membership, and I am so pissed because I spent $60 extra than I needed to because I blocked out the information the salesman was telling me.

I have been watching documentaries about fasting and all that, and each time I watch them I just want to stop eating until I look like I look... But I am just so easily frustrated because of all the other stresses....

on the 10th we go to court over some dumb shit my wife's ex is doing, in which he is violating the decree... As much common sense says we should win this no problem, you just fucking watch him win, or the commissioner tell her she should change her stance in some way.

I had to shell out thousands of dollars out of pocket today to pay medical bills because my insurance broker didn't actually do his fucking job and submit the claim properly for my deductible reimbursement... At least the check should be here soon.

My wife told me today that she signed us up for some treatments for the trees in our yard, which will cost another $380 a year or something. I'm fucking tired of this slavery bullshit. I fucking hate it!

Trading should be all that matters, and I am neglecting it for other things that distract me that also need to be taken care of. There aren't good plays every day, so waiting feels fucking like forever, and when I do trade, I don't do well. To wait for the best setups I would have to be there all damn day because they could happen at any time. I am growing desperate for this shit to show me some progress, and it's killing my passion. I am hating how much I work, I am hating the toll it is taking on my back. I am hating the toll all of these things are taking on my life and relationship.

Orange juice hasn't come down to a level I want in at yet, and who knows how long that will take. I am just in a prison like hell of my mind and my physical body that must work like a slave to bring in the money we need to survive... Also, did I mention we're inuring $1,500 in dental costs? Yeah that too.

Why does it seem like the entire system is setup to take the money you make? It is so hard to keep when every damn reason has this justified realization behind it.. We need to have our trees treated so they survive?!?! Fuck, if a tree can't survive on it's own then fuck it! My grass is just fine! Yes, I neglected my teeth my whole life, and I need them fixed, so that's on me.

I want so desperately to throw this computer out the window right now, go on a rampage of destruction and break someones neck.

I'm the same old me, reacting the same old way, to the same old shit. Life is a grind just to stay afloat. Life is hell trying to move forward and only stand still...

Something has to give, and right now, it's my sanity and civility.